Our expert says:
Some kids, especially sons, are slow to see any benefits to moving out on their own --- but they should at least pay rent at home not simply monetarily, but absolutely in terms of respect, and in helping out with chores, etc.
Taking one of the new tyres on your husband's company car was THEFT, and he should have been told to replace it immediately, or you'd call the police and lay charges. And i he argues so feebly, tell him the police can decide who was smoking socks. Similarly with other episodes of damage. Indeed, he shopuld be told that if there is ONE MORE episode like that, he will be evicted from the home the next day, and his denials and excuses will be ignored. It is his task to protect the home and all of its contents under all circumstances. If he thinks it fine for his friends to damage your home, he can stay with them and damage theirs, and see how they feel about it.
And drug use in your home is unacceptable --- and again, if there are good reasons to suspect the presence of illegal drugs in your home, call the police and let them check. It doesn't matter what hism gf does or does not do --- he allows her to do what she does, and to influence him. And if things are going missing he is probably stealing them to pay for his drug habit.
Then I read your final paragraph, and the message becomes still more clear --- you sit down calmly, your husband and you, and announce that he will NOT stay in your home till he is 40, and that he has one week to make alternative arangements, or you will arrange for the police or a private security firm to evict him, and change the locks. And that any atempt by him or his pals to re-enter your property except at your invitation, will lead to arrest. Remind him it is high time that he grows up and sops behaving like a spoiled brat
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