Our expert says:
Phew ! Your Ex sounds oddly motivated, and having too much to say about beating children. He sounds like the really wants to enrol the child in a dog's Obedience Schhol ! The one plan he talked about, making a more organized agreement with your daughter about her duties and chores, related to giving or withholding treats, could be useful. I presume that he doesn't inspect the condition of your house, so his complaints about her leaving a mess, must refer to what she does when visiting him ?
He sounds like a difficult man to deal with, and his new wife is probably doing her best to handle the situation ; she may have spoken frankly to you, but then got backed into a corner by him demanding to know what you had talked about. The idea of the child going to spend months with him against her will is a lousy one, especially with his Obedience Training agenda.
From your description, maybe you're rather too lax with her, and she is developing some lazy and messy habits, which could do with iomprovement --- but it's you and your husband who have the responsibility to decide this, and to arrange it. There's something strange and a bit suspicious in your Ex's sudden excess of interest in getting involved in his daughter's life, which doesn't sound wholesome.
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