Posted by: Juzlisen | 2004/02/18

Some days

I just wanted to share my feelings and thoughts I couldn't speak to my friends because they shun me for the way I feel, also they think that I am a damn rock and that I can go through hell and be OK! But I'm not, there are days when I feel alright and I dont think about him at all, and then there's days like yesterday where all I could do was be grateful that I was so busy at work that I did not find the time to cry, and last night where I felt ill (literally), my stomach was in such a knot and this tightness spread through my chest, I was physically aching, when I found myslef waking up clutching the damn pillow with tears clouding my eyes I decided that I cant take it anymore I should phone him and tell him to come home now because I miss him so much it hurts. The house seems dead, i feel so cold and alone inside. I am trying so hard but nothing is making this go away. I dreamt about our dead baby ( my most painfull loss, a part of me died that I can never get back) I want to erase the last few months from my mind, maybe then my heart would not hurt as much. I tried calling him this morning but out of fear of rejection I dropped the phone. after a few minutes I sent him a pls call me, but never received a reply, it made me angry, I feel that I hate him just as much as I love him. I dont want to go for councilling I just needed to vent my frustration, I feel tangled inside and I wonder when this is going to end. I dont want to talk to my family because they think that I should just forgive & forget & give him his space "he'll come running home" yeah right!!! I know he is not good for me, so why am I hurting so much, I've been doing so well by concentrating on the positive things in my life but they just dont make the sadness and emptyness go away.
I feel too alone.

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Our expert says:
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Dear Juzlisen,
It seems a pity that bitter and twisted folks like "U whine too much" dont take their own advice, isn't it ? Howver, he/she provides a reminder of what's wrong with the world, even if, sadly, he/she knows nothing whatsoever about what's right with it. Nobody with any true respect for themselves, could sow so little respect for others.
You're hurting because those feelings are never logical, because you're mourning the loss of what you hoped for and dreamed of, not actually the loss of what you actually lost ( which was much less !). he ISN'T good for you, but youre mourning the loss of what you wanted him to be, not of what he was.
You know from experience that he will not / cannot give you what you need, either within a long-term relationship, or in an emotional crisis. As or expressing the strong felings you have, positive and negative, why not follow the age-old and useful plan of writing him a long and nasty letter, putting all of it on paper --- then buring the letter, without sending it ? The resultant smoke signals can be liberating.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: volcano | 2004/02/19

This forum is meant to be used as a crutch.

Reply to volcano
Posted by: Angel | 2004/02/19

Andy who cares if she is hoggin this site she needs a crutch right now what would you do in her situation, if you dont like reading her postings then get of this site. try and have mre passion for people.

Reply to Angel
Posted by: Andy | 2004/02/18

but this woman hogs this site and is forever yakking on about her broken heart! can't u see she's using this forum as a crutch? will she never stop??

Reply to Andy
Posted by: Lucia | 2004/02/18

My dearest, dearest Juzlisen

You are going through hell right now and it is very difficult to share it with close friends and family because as you say - you are normally the rock you have no right to be falling apart. I understand how you feel, I also lost a baby and when my first husband walked out on me and my two tiny sons many years ago, I felt as though my whole world came to an end. I literally did not want to carry on any more - there was no reason to. I had two children, but they could never fill the void a life partner can. You have reached a tiny milestone by acknowleding that he is not right for you, however, the good memories tend to make you think were it all really that bad ?

Try to concentrate on his bad points - where is he now ? Why does he not support you through this terrible time ? - and please take docs advise - re writing him a letter and then destroying it. This sounds silly but believe me I did it way back then and it gave me some form of closure.

Thinking of you

Reply to Lucia
Posted by: wow | 2004/02/18

wow, U wine too much, I think you are being rather harsh here! If you don't like what people write here, then why are you reading this forum in the first place?! U must like hurting peoples feelings,so you must be very immature, which does not say much for you does it?

Reply to wow
Posted by: Positive | 2004/02/18

This forum is meant for positive comments so rather keep quiet if you have nothing nice to say. U whine too much - you shouldn't even be on this forum if that is your attitude. It's people like you who make the world a miserable place. GET LOST!

Reply to Positive
Posted by: angel | 2004/02/18

Ignore the posting from u whine too much as this person has no feelings . You should get some councilling you have been through a lot and need to speak to a outsider that will not judge you , the pain you feel will be with you for a long time and you need to take one day at a time continue being positive and be greatful for what you have now in life be strong take care and please for your own sanity get some help.

Reply to angel
Posted by: U whine too much | 2004/02/18

Everyday without fail U bitch about someting.. why dont u just do everyone a favour & commit suicide

Reply to U whine too much

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