Posted by: Klaire | 2009/07/21

So tired of pretending

I' m so tired of apretending I' m ok with evrything. What did my parents tell me when I asked them to help me buy a car? " if we help you we' ll have to help all your (4) sisters" . So I save and buy my own car &  2 years later, my 3 younger sisters all get nice scooters. Wat else was I told? Oh ja, if they ever get the money for tertiary education, I' ll be the first to be send to do the course I' ve wanted to do since I was in Grade 10. Well grandmother is paying for one child, now my parents are sending my other sister for aptitude tests and everything so they can pay for her studies. I thought I was next. Hmmm... I' ve been teased about my teeth since I hit high school and finally a few years after high school my Dad wants to pay for my braces because he feels he owes it to me. Only to stop before treatment is done because " they cant afford it anymore"  and I have to dig in my pocket for money I don' t have to finish the treatment. But of course I take it all with a smile on my face because, " we are so proud of you for being so independant at such a young age. You are going to make such a success out of life" . My older sister turned to drugs- she got everything that she wanted, later she turned down every opportunity she got. She spend most of last year unemployed yet she never got kicked out and my dad kept giving her everything she asked for. Do they think it' s fine to forget about me? To forget about what they told me? To forget about how I would have liked it if they had been so kind as to help me further my education. Maybe then I wouldn' t have the only job that I can get that just pays my bills every month. Maybe I would have liked financial aid to buy a car because then it wouldn' t have been one that has cost over R3000 to fix and it' s still not roadworthy. Walking to and from work has it' s benefits, I suppose. Do they know how much they hurt me when they tell me one story but put all their time and effort into my other sisters? Is it because I' m living with a man of a different race and we aren' t married? They' ve shown their disapproval many times. Does this make me less deserving?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You may be being ounished for being clever and capable and independent. Some days, I find, it seems that no good deed goes unpunished. Have you disussed this calmly with them, making it clear how unfair all of this feels ? Maybe they meant what they said when they said it, and conveniently forgot it later on. Maybe explain that you're relieved to know that your siblings will entirely support them in their old age, because, as you have had all the extra expenses and didn't get the extra education you wanted, you won't be able to afford to do so.
Be proud of all that you have achieved and will still achieve, and of your self-sufficiency

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Gracie | 2009/07/22

The colour of your partner' s skin should have nothing to do with the fact that your parents only help your siblings! If in fact that is the reason why they do it, they are being unnecessarily cruel and you do not deserve such treatment! It sounds as though they may be " punishing"  you for being involved with a man of another race! Do you not maybe think that they think of you as their only child who is capable of fending for herself and therefore don' t find it necessary to help you too? My father has often told us that his mother (my grandmother) was very strict with him and and left him to fend for himself from a young age. He asked her one day (he was already in his mid-fifties) why she hated him so much, her answer was that she did not hate him, but he was her only child she never had to worry about as she knew he would get somewhere in life without her pushing him! Sounds strange doesn' t it?There is no advice that I can give you except maybe to try and make it on your own without their assistance, try finding part-time employment to boost your income so that it won' t be necessary to ask for their assistance! I feel really sorry for you! I hope that you manage to sort everything out in time!

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Posted by: JR | 2009/07/22

I definately think our situation has more benifits toward you, you just need to see them. I and my DH was treated the same way and today, in our 30s, we reep the benefits. We save for everything we want, and don' t have debt. We don' t need to rely on anyone for anything and no one can point fingers to say but we did that for you or this.

You have made it this far and still standing, so keep your head up. This also makes you more cautios (spelling) before buying something doesn' t it? You can still study, I am, through long distance. It will take me forever to gt my degree, but I am doing it, on my own. Funny, you really do study harder when you pay for it yourself, only cause you can' t afford to redo a subject, LOL!

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