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Question
Posted by: mimi | 2004/10/11

So so sad

Hi doc
Today I feel down in the dumps , it is my wedding annevesary today , but it is really starting to get on my nerves the way my hb deals with birthdays ,annevesaries, etc. This morning all I got is a hug and a thanks for the loverly wife thing , for example my birthday , I do not get anything on my birthday , excuse "I did not know what to get you , but we can go on the weekend to look for something " come the weekend that he is anyways so edgy and rushes me through the shops , I wanted a leather jacket , but had to be pleased with a wind breaker because he was getting irratated in the shop (with the kids)BUT comes the weekend then the fridge will be full of booze and there will be enough meat for an army ,he can do propper arangements for a braai but not a birthday or a anneversary , his behaviour is hurting me , get real now , he did not FORGET our anneversary , he just did not bother .... , by the way I did not get him anything either , I went shopping on Saterday but turned around and thought I am properly not getting anything so why should I bother , I wanted to get an ethnic rug because it is our 7 year anneversary , I know if I get home tonight he will ask , what are we going to eat or d u want to go out for supper ? should I tell him up front or how do u deal with this , I will just burst out in tears.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds more like a difference in styles and expectations than a lack of love. Tell him how you feel, with the sort of details you nincluded in your message, and TALK it through. Chooose a way of celebrating that suits both of you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/11

Hi Mimi,

Does he know that you feel this way? If not, I would suggest that you make it known to him as soon as possible. If you have to burst into tears while doing so, then that will only work to your advantage.
Sometimes, with some of us, birthdays & anniversaries & important dates just don't mean as much to the other person as we think it should.
It is your anniversary, it is a special day for you both, make it known to him that this is what you think, & make it known to him that you hope that you will both make it a day to remember.

The main thing is let him know how you feel about it, & let him know that you feel very strongly about it too!!!

As an after thought, I would like to say, would you not like to make it a special evening. Pull out all the stops, & then when the night is over, express to him that this is how you would like to be treated on these special events & it would mean a lot to you if he didn't forget it in future. If you have to, ask the kids to drop subtle hints as well...

Best of luck Mimi. This is a special day for you both, so make exactly that.

Take care,
Shaun

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