Posted by: Done with this | 2009/11/07

Smoking spouse

My husband is diabetic and is very strict with his diet. About 4 years ago he started smoking - even though he used to absolutely hate it. He told me that it would only be occasionally but it eventually crept to happening every day. No one else knows about it except me and he first said he' d stop when our daughter was born 3 years ago. He couldn' t do it although he says he' s not addicted. I am completely miserable, what is the point of eating properly for your diabetes if you' re still smoking.
He said he' d stop when our second child was born - but that didn' t last.
He lastly promised that he' d stop when our third child was born - but then said that most smokers will still smoke every now and then when stopping. He said it' d be once every2 weeks - now its every second day. He also agreed that he' d smoke outside but now doesn' t want to. He said that if he has to smoke outside and not hold the baby afterwards then what about other family members who do the same?
Surely a child shouldn' t have to accept that from a parent?

I feel as though I can' t do this anymore. As a family we have suffered 2 awful lung related deaths and I really hate smoking. Am I unreasonable?

The way that I feel now I don' t think that I can continue with this arrangement anymore. I feel miserable, depressed and with little hope and it isn' t getting any better.
I can' t talk to anyone about this because no one else knows.
Please help - he says he' ll stop but I don' t believe it anymore.

I feel as though it is all pointless - he knows how unhappy it makes him and even though he says he isn' t addicted, it isn' t a good enough reason for him to stop.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberDoc

I do agree that smoking is bad for his health and secondary smoke is very bad for your children. I suggest that you consult a psychiatrist for couples counselling and motivation for him to stop smoking. Unfortunately, it is imperative for him to want to stop smoking. I truely believe that the psychiatrist will be able to assist you and he/she will also be able to prescribe Zyban that will assist him with smoking cessation.


Dr Anrich Burger

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