Our expert says:
Dont see it as soft-hearted versus hard-hearted. A month's stay is a burden for anyone, whoever the host or the stayer. Just say calmly and pleasantly to your brother that no stay longer than 1 week ( or 2, whatever your maximum tolerance level is ) can be accepted from now on, because it's just too disruptive and inconvenient for you. Maybe mention something similar to the sister-in-law, too. Remind them you have, with Bipolar and ADHD in the family, more than enough to deal with, without acepting such extra burdens. Offer to check out local B&B's and guest-houses for them, if they want to stay longer on their next visit.
And, indeed, why CAN'T she visit her own family in Joburg ? Maybe she over-stayed her welcomone there, too, and they just don't want to host her again.
One of course wants to be kindly and poilit - but assertive about such things. But if people ignore polite warnings and requests, then its fine to get less subtle and more firm.
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