Posted by: Single | 2009/01/19

Single Professional

Hi Doc,

I am a 27 year old single female who has never been in a relationship. And I don' t know why that is. Throughout high school and varsity, I never had a boyfriend. Whenever anyone would ask whether I have a boyfriend, I would say no, and I would get a surprised response back - as if to say - what' s wrong with you? why don' t you have a boyfriend?

I have a postgrad degree and then worked and travelled to the UK. I had a good group of friends there, went out, met people, and still never had a boyfriend. It always felt like the guys I was interested in, were never interested in me.

I' ve been back in SA for 2 years now and am MD of a company. And still no boyfriend. Again - the guys I' m interested in aren' t interested in me.

It' s just never happened for me, and I don' t know why. My friends say that I intimidate guys, and that guys like girls to be " lesser"  than them? I' m extremely independant, and I don' t need anyone to do anything for me, as I' ve had to take care of myself for a while now.

I just feel that I' ve achived in my studies and career, but this part of my life doesn' t seem like it' s going to happen, and I want it to happen.

Do you have any advice / thoughts?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sometimes you're just too darn busy with other things in high school and varisty, to get round to having a boyfriend. The people who seem surprised to hear that you dont have a bf, are probably not being critical, but genuinely surprised, as they recognize that you are attractive.
Some men do indeed feel awkward with a clever and independent women, but fortunately some appreciate those very qualities.
Joe soap makes some good points. Including the suggestions about meeting more people --- cast your net wide, to catch the few dolphins amongst the sharks. The more people you meet, in situations in which people are being genuine and linked by interests, the better than chances of meeting the quality people you deserve

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: J | 2009/01/21

Dan is dit ook goed om te onthou dat ' n akademeise kwalifikasie geen barometer is vir watter goeie of swak manier/ov[pvoeding/karakter ' n persoon is nie.

Jy kan maar ' n commongat wees en slim en ryk wees.

Reply to J
Posted by: You go Joe Soap !! | 2009/01/21

I must agree totally with Joe and Single Professional. Although I am not professionally qualified I have had first hand experience within my family, of a professionally qualified person getting married to someone who is not. They could never see eye to eye on many day to day events, because the unqualified person , although not stupid ,did not have the intellectual capacity to communicate , simply because they were never challenged mentally in the same manner as those who have studied for a degree. This is not always the case I agree, but one must face up to the fact and it makes for a far better relationship when the two parties are intellectually on the same page, degreed or not

Reply to You go Joe Soap !!
Posted by: Single | 2009/01/20

Nicely said Joe! I agree completely. A relationship is about being with the person you want to be with, not the person you need to be with!

Reply to Single
Posted by: SIngle | 2009/01/20

Hi Barbie and Cape Town Girl,

I find it really sad, and hurtfull (even if I don' t know you), that you would choose this forum to attack people you don' t know.

You don' t know my background or how or why I was and am still single. Maybe I had to support my family (even though I' m the youngest) and that didn' t allow me to find " the one" . Maybe I' ve been in survival mode for so long, for the sake of myself, and my family, and that' s why I didn' t have the luxury of finding " the one" . Maybe I' m working in an industry that has nothing to do with my degrees, which means I have to put extra time in so that I can do well, so that I can support my family and myself. Or maybe all the above applies (which it does), and that' s why I haven' t found anyone.

So thank you for your comments. A short and seriously heartfelt message / question from my side has resulted into your responses.

I certainly won' t be using this forum for advice again. I didn' t exptect to get attacked like this.

Reply to SIngle
Posted by: Joe soap | 2009/01/20

That' s my point, CPT Girl, you took what I said out of context.

If i' m a professional, why should I not look for that in my partner?

Why should I look for anything less? Think about this, if I date a professional, by that I mean, a lawyer, a doctor, an accountant (I am) or similar. An average salary for a qualified CA is about 40k a month, now, should we get married, in the distant future, our combined salaries would be close to 100k a month, now imagine what you could do with that? A nice house a nice car etc etc.

Now, say I dont marry that professional, I marry someone who is not qualified like myself, she' s a nice girl homely, whatever... just not a professional, lets say, she' s a PA or maybe an assistant or something, she may be earning 10k a month, that makes a combined taking of 50k. Big difference huh?

I' m not looking to support dead weight. A relationship is about working at it. It takes two to tango.

Why should I expect any less from a partner?

Why should I go out with someone any less ambitious? I' m not looking to date that supermodel or whatever, looks only last so long, I need to be able to COMMUNICATE with someone...

The responses about someones edukashion is purely out of jealousy. I get it all the time. I never wear my degrees on my sleeve. I' m the last one to say what I do, and when I do, no one believes me, purely based on my behaviors.

Hope that helps you!

Reply to Joe soap
Posted by: barbie | 2009/01/20

Excuse me? Single - you are just as arrogant - what do you mean " air heads and accessories" ? no wonder you don' t have a boyfriend. You are just another example that no matter how educated you might be - if you are ugly - no one wants you!!!!!

Maybe you should carry your degrees on your forehead wherever you and you might get a boyfriend - good luck - ugly!!!

Reply to barbie
Posted by: Cape Town Girl | 2009/01/20

Joe soap you sound like a pompous, arrogant and very self-centered guy.
' or studying some arbitrary thing and have little or no ambition.'  This compared to your post grad degree...
Like you look down on anyone else who hasn' t studied like you have, as if they on a lower level than you!
Gosh get a life you sound like a real loser, I doubt any girl would feel even a bit of attraction to you with you stuck up ways.

Professional C.T Girl

Reply to Cape Town Girl
Posted by: Single | 2009/01/20

Hi Joe Soap!

Thanks for that boost! Nice to hear that not all guys want airheads and accessories as girlfriends!

I' m in cape town by the way, so don' t be too hard on us. :)

Reply to Single
Posted by: Joe soap | 2009/01/19


The guys that are intimated by you are the jerks. You are not going in the right circles!

I am a professional myself, not yet an MD, but close enough, I have a post grad degree.

I meet girls now and then, but i' m single. Why, well... most girls I meet are not worth my time. They either don' t work, or studying some arbitrary thing and have little or no ambition.

I think to myself, why must I waste my time with this girl I have to support her.

Believe me, if I met a woman like you, i' d go out of my way to get to know you.

There is nothing wrong with you, trust me on that, I also thought it was me, but realised it wasn' t me at all!

In all the time that I have been studying, I haven' t met a decent woman that is doing something similar to me.

Do the things that you enjoy most, never refuse an invite, no matter what it' s for. Start up hobbies, take up art, learn to dance... i' m not sure what else, but these are the things that i' m starting to do, and you know what? I' m meeting new people every week!

You don' t need to date the first guy you find, but date the first quality guy you find!

And BTW, i' m in cape town, and cape town girls are the worst!!!

Hope this gives you the bit of booster you need!

Reply to Joe soap

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