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Question
Posted by: Desperate mom | 2008/07/14

Single mom battling to cope

Dear CS,

I am a single mom to my 15 month old little girl. I feel like I am battling to get through the day and can't cope. My daughter is teeting and is out of her routine and not sleeping through. I have to get up and go to work and still try and perform well in my job as I get home it's straight into her routine.

Her father visit's her every Monday and Thurdsday evening and takes her for the day every second Sunday. Sometimes he misses his visits. I don't get any time to myself and I resent her father for not having the responsibility that I have. He is living the life, new clothes, new car and his time is his own. How do I get my head around the fact that this is my life and I need to deal with the feelings that I feel. I just can't get motivated for anything.

I love my daughter with every being of my body and more than anything in the world and I want to be the best mom that I can be to her. I feel so drained I can bearly get through the day.

Please help!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I know what it is like to try to cope with a heavy work-load while helping someone who cannot help disturbing your normal sleep patterns. I hope you have been to the family advocate / maintenance court, and ensured at least that the father pays proper maintenance rather than spending all his money selfishly on himself. Maybe his contribution ought to include sharing the costs of a maid or nanny to take some of the stress from you ? Is there anyone else in your family who could help in this regard ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lila | 2008/07/14

Desperate mum pls be strong. I have a 5 yr old girl and it has been a challenge since day one but because i love her its a loving challenge, a labour of love.

Dearest, my child's father is a millionaire. How much child maintenance do i get? Not enough to cover the monthly school fees at her day care.

The idea of going to courts and fighting with him - and the knowledge that he will 'buy' the lawyers - has put me off even chasing money. God will provide for me and my princess and He will do the same for you and your princess.

No its not easy but keep your head up, cuddle and kiss your child daily and remember you are the centre of her world.

Last nite my child and i had bread and sweetcorn for supper because things are very tight right now. But we just laughed and smiled at each other and made funny faces at each other and then danced afterwards. All that costs nothing and helps stress levels.

You can do it. You really can.

lila

Reply to Lila
Posted by: Desperate mom | 2008/07/14

Hi CS, thanks for your response. I have only just got interim maintenance through the "Rule 43". For 2 months now her father has been paying. Up until then he wasn't paying me a cent. He claims he can't afford more than what he is paying, but I refuse to accept an answer like that when he has just bought himself a R275,000 car which he is paying a bit more than the bond. He is a very selfish person which is hard to deal with when I have so much to deal with already.

I live with my parents, but my daughter's routine is my own to deal with. My parents do alot for me already and feel terribe if I had to ask them for any more than what they do. I plan on moving out in Feb next year, so I need to get used to not having them at my call all the time.

I have the need to be strong but don't know how much longer I can be strong for.

Reply to Desperate mom

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