Posted by: Single in gay relationship | 2009/08/20

Single in gay relationship

Dear Expert. I am in a gay relationship. I do not think I will get a proper answer to my question on the GLBT forum, so here I am. I love him to bits and we have been together for about two years, yet there are problems. Communication is not what it should be, but rather superficial. The problem is, I am open for communication, but scared of his reaction when confronted with an issue. Hê  usually either gets mad and do the yelling thing, or clam up and walks away. We rarely have sex, and if I do not instigate it, it does not happen. There is definitely not a third person. from his side, as I know his movements etc. too well. Me on the other hand, had cheated on him, but he never found out. Stone me for my indiscretions if you like, but I was so frustrated that I did it. My guilt etc. is virtually none existent as I blame his lack of interest in sex for it. I know it is wrong and I also know that I am going to do it again. How on earth do one get a person to talk?

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Our expert says:
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In any relationship, communication can be difficult at times, and if this becomes a major problem, seeing a relationship counsellor may be a good idea. And in any relationship, cheating is not a good idea at all, with physical and psychological risks. Isn't it posible that his suspicions or knowledge about the cheating has encouraged his anger and non-communication ?
You don't "GET someone to talk " ( I understand your feelings of frustration, but this is a common misconception) --- but a counselor is skilled at encouraging someone to communicate more
If either o neither of you is prepared o commit to proper counselling maybe this isn't the right relationship for either of you

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Our users say:
Posted by: Single in gay relationship | 2009/08/20

Strange. Just thought about it. I knew the answer, but just did not admit it. You guys confirmed it. Maybe I am that comfort zone as well, although I am taken for a ride. I am a bloody fool.

Cheers, gonna think of a strategy to sort this out once and for all.

Reply to Single in gay relationship
Posted by: Single in gay relationship | 2009/08/20

O I know the cheating is wrong and about the safe sex and so on. Getting him to counseling, forget it. He considers himself superior to that and thinks he needs no help ever. He got this mother from hell that he is too close to and she backs him in all and sundry and thinks she knows all the answers to the questions in the Universe. Probably learned it from her anyway. Maybe I should just put an ultimatum for shaping up or shipping out. Maybe rocks his comfort zone that I pay for mostly anyway.

Not a very healthy relationship, this one, I must confess.

Thanks for the advice guys

Reply to Single in gay relationship
Posted by: CTMOM | 2009/08/20

People usually only have affairs when they not happy in a relationship and cant seem to leave. You clearly not happy. As Red said, safe sex!!!

Maybe you need to find someone new.

Reply to CTMOM
Posted by: Red | 2009/08/20

If you do cheat again please use protection.

Reply to Red

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