Posted by: DW | 2009/06/03

Single forever.

Hi Dr

Ok, don' t know how to write this. I am a 29 year old male, and I have been single my whole life. I am pretty much sure that I have missed out on the best years of ones life, their 20' s. I was not much of a person to go out and meet people (very shy, unconfident person), and still don' t really go out. I have spent my whole life alone. Well, now comes the 30' s, with the more stressful and busy life of buying a house, trying to secure the best job available etc. Well, I was just talking to work collegues, and they assured me that I will never get married, as I am so used to solitary life. They even know of people similar to me, who eventually got married in the 30' s but ended up in divorce. Well, I am pretty much used to living alone, waking up every morning with no one around, getting to work much earlier than normal. Basically, the only time someone ever slept over was when a friend was too drunk to drive home. I would really like to have a relationship, but I am scared that I will not get used to living a different lifestyle. I am also scared that women will not like me, as I have no experience of dating etc. I have also not had much luck in the past, such as when I had my first kiss, (I was 26), about 6 okes assaulted me, leaving me with a blue eye, broken nose, sore ribss etc. This lady in partucular was not even dating anyone of them. Maybe they were jealous? Anyway, should I carry on living in a lonely world of my own, or should I try take a risk of trying to have a realtionship and hope that it works out, as I do not want to dissapoint myself if it does not work out. All my friends are married/attached and they keep asking me why am I still single. I wish I knew that answer.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There's no one single period of opportunity which will become the best years of our life or not. It's up to you to make ANY years the best they can be, and not to miss opportunities by allowing yourself to get mournful about lost opportunities. If you're not careful, you could be so busy worrying about opportunities missed in the past, that you will miss more of them in the present.
Seing a ounsellor, especially on usin CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therap[y ) methods, can help you become less shy, more comfortable socially, and better able to get to know people and enjoy yourslf among them.
Your friends at work may be referring to specific people they knew, but no such destiny for you is inevitable. You used to live in a family, and adjusted to a single lifestyle --- you can adapt to living in a relatonship and building your own family, too.
To a significant exent, you can make your own luck or lack of it. FInd a god local counsllor, and get to work on building the future you want, not one you feel doomed to inevitably fall into

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: ANONYMOUS | 2009/06/04

I a thirty yr old female and more or less in the same situation as you. the shy one, the unlucky one, but things will change for you. You are a guy and its much more easier to find someone.its not easy for a girl. women like me prefer shy guys because they wont have many influence from their friends, we call the lone rangers. as soon as the right person comes along who you will love dearly you would let them invade your space with love.

Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/04

may you need to change how you dress, how you present yourself, as man you must have class and style (fashion, personality)

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: DW | 2009/06/04

Thks Doc and Anon.

Well, I am not being mournful here, it' s just wierd, difficult to explain and understand. Whenever I do ask someoneone out for a drink or a movie, they always say no. I don' ' t walk away feeling sorry for myself or anything, I just carry on with my life, but I know of men that every girl they ask out always has a ' yes'  answer. Then I know of girls that I am really interested in, and they know it, yet they run after the okes that abuse them and have no respect for them, cheat on them etc. What do they see in them that they don' t see in me? My main problem I guess is that most girls my age will have had a few relationships before, and I am therefore scared that I will make a lot of mistakes because of my inexperiance. I don' t know. I am also to scared (or maybe too proud?) to go see a counsellor, what if my friends or family found out, then they think I am some mental person with issues (ha ha). They always tend to judge me, but I wish they would look in the mirror first before judging. (Yeah, I am the black sheep in the family). Maybe it is about time I talk to my best friend about this, maybe he can also help in a way.

Reply to DW
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/03

you will meet someone, all you have to do is make more of an effort and believe it will happen. there are many many people in your situation, and even more who are desparately unhappy in bad relationships.

remember one thing.... love can mend your life.....but love can break your heart.... so there is a risk.

Reply to Anonymous

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