Posted by: jessica | 2008/11/02

simple qestion, please help...

How do you get over somebody? on average how long does it take to get oer someone if you went out for quite a long time? for instance just under a year? how do you move on after a rekationship? how do you stop thinking ' what if'  and how do you stop the hurt? please give me advice, from personal xperience or from simple general advice. please please xxx

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There are no general laws about this, and we vary. Counselling can help, as can a srong sense of personal realism --- "what if" must be recognizes as a useless line of thinking, and rejected when it arises. What if your had been born a horse ? What if this had happened 100 years ago ? The fact is none of the what if's apply --- that happened is what did happen, not any variation on that. What might have happened is irrelevant. What can happen next, is what is important

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: jessica | 2008/11/03

thanks so much cyber shrink and casey. caseythank you so much for your honesty. i' m sorry to hear about what happened with you and your ex, quite frankly you' re better off without him and he doesn' t deserve you. take care x

Reply to jessica
Posted by: casey | 2008/11/02

It depends from person to person how long it takes to get over somebody and how they will get over this person. There isn' t a quick fix after a relationship have ended. If you thought that there was a quick fix and easy way to get over this person after the relationship has ended, there is bad news waiting for you. For each person it differs from how long it takes to get over it to how they will get over it. The ' what if'  question is part of the healing process and you would never have known what would have happened if you were still with this person. If you are trying to stop the hurt, you probably just hurting yourself more. In time the hurt of the broken relationship will go away. Give yourself the time and space to heal before moving into a new relationship. On your question on how to move on after a relationship, you have to figure it out for yourself, but only time will tell.

I' ve been single for the past 2 years after my ex-fiance cheated on me. The way I found out he cheated on me was that one day in my lunch time I decided I would go quickly to his place and make sure he is ok. When I walked into his bedroom I found him where he was busy having sex with another girl. I broke up with him shortly afterwards. I' m only now at a stage in my life that I feel I can have another relationship.

As I said, it takes time and it depends from person to person.

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