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Question
Posted by: confused lady | 2004/01/19

silly man

i've been in a relationship with him for almost two years now,had a baby together, our culters are different but he couldn't compromise and come see the baby. i was disappointed but gave him another chance, he doesn't do anything for our child, what steps should i take ? i ended the relationship about a month ago and he keeps on calling me wanting us to be together, i'm not sure whether it would be wise to do so just because i have a child with him. he's also had few affairs while i was with him. is he the man i should be with or should i go on with my life?

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Our expert says:
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cl,
There's no culture in which this sort of behaviour is considered acceptable, and what on earth would he have to "compromise" about coming to see his own baby, which he voluntarily chose to create with you ? Surely it's entirely obvious by his behaviour that he is using you and not loving you, that he feels no love for the child nor responsibility towards you, only wants you for one thin ( and it's never a loving relatonship )and is an absolute DEAD LOSS as a possible person for a happy relationship. And it doesn't matter whether he's Martian or from any other planet.
Why on earth would you think of wanting to continue a relationship with a heel who has treated you and your child like dirt ? Rather see a lawyer and sue the worm for maintenance, to compl him to pay full maintenance for your expenses in raising his child, and make sure you tell the court that he has refused to even see his child nor made any attempt to meet his responsibuilities, and perhaps ask for an order to prevent him from bothering you whenever he feels horny.
If you can't easily afford a lawyer ( this could really be worth the expemse ) make inquiries at the local Magistrate's COurt as there should be people there specially to deal with matters of maintenance, like a Family Advocate.

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Our users say:
Posted by: J | 2004/01/19

Nobody can tell you that - thats a decision entirely up to you. You say he's had a few affairs - sounds like he really loves you and his child doesnt it.... not. You should think long and hard about wether you want to be with a man who doesnt accept his own child, and while you're thinking sue him for maintenance.

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