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Question
Posted by: Diya | 2004/10/07

Silent Treatment

I seem to have a problem that I am not sure how deal with.

Whenever someone does anything bad to me e.g shout , gossip at me instead of standing up for myself I give them the silent treatment which can go from weeks to years.

I just have soo much anger but I'm not sure how to handle it besides stop talking to the person which varies from Parents , siblings , boss , friends.

When I'm not talking to them I feel so much resentment & hate just by looking at them it builds up in my mind I can say what I think but when it comes to opening my mouth & saying it its a different story all together.

Unless they appologise or talk to me about it it stops but in cases where people like my family they don't apologise & admitt when they wrong I just have to find a way to forget about it till it happens again like now.

In the end I feel bad & sad when it seems like they are fine with everything.

What is wrong with me ? Am I slowly loosing it ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Diya, using a "silent treatment" instead of shouting is fine. But letting this go on for weeks or years seems excessive, doesn't it ? Maybe it'd help to see a counsellor and work on anger management issues , as well as learning the useful difference between being assertive ( good ) and aggressive ( bad). Why do you find it so hard to let thisthing go, especially as they're probably often rather minor ? As you've noticed, your way of responding ( which you ca change ) at present leaves you feeling awful for long periods, thile they feel fine about it.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/10/07

You must stop giving other people the power to influence your life like this.

Take flak in your stride - analyse it and decide whether it is applicable to you or not. If it is, learn from it and if not, discard it and forget about it.

Most things people say to you are forgotten by them the next day - it is not an ongoing grudge held against you forever.

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