Posted by: Rescue Remedy | 2007/05/12

SID Hell

I have a 6yr stepdaughter from Hell. My husband, family etc are convinced she has sensory integration dysfunction as she presents all the symptoms. She makes everyones day unhappy. It is tantrum and tears from the minute we fetch her and we see her everyday and every 2nd weekend. She wont listen to me and just cant comprehend anything a normal 6yr old can. Her diificult mother took her for evaluation and according to her there is nothing wrong with the child but we cant go on like this. I am so happy and in love and have my own child with my husband but his daughter is destroying our marriage by destroying me. What can i do to have more patience with her. I feel sorry for her cause she has the hatred and anger and sadness but at the same time i cant handle even hearing her voice or seeing her cause i just associate her with the negative???!!!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I really, really, wonder whether something as rare and exotic as "sensory integration disorder" is the core problem, rather than a naughty child with severe behaviour problems which could be corrected by a "Supernanny" type approach. She should be seen by a good local child psycologist for full assessment, and a full trial of rutine and basic behavioural methods and discipline. If the child is behaving as you descibe, I find it VERY hard to believe that any competent shrink she was taken to could have said there was nothing wrong --- that'd be ridiculous. She may have said that there was nothing wrong with the kid's brain ; but surely would have recommended a conststent and planned disciplinary approach to be followed by ALL those responsible for her care. Maybe the difficult mother didn't want any share of blame or the situation and minimised whatever the shrink actually said.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shae | 2007/05/15

Any child has the need (and note i say need, not want) to showered with affection and attention. From what you're saying, this child ahs not received enough to feel secure and she is now miiroring back to her parents how they made her feel. It may be that she never received acknowledgement or affection from them freely and had to get their attention somehow brfore this happened. This si why i always say, people should not just have kids, unless they are prepared and capable of living selfless lives. These parents have given life to this child and then just simply carried on with theirs, leaving this child to waddle about by herself. No nurturing or emotional nourishment has happened. These parents have to get to counselling and they also have to get the child to a therapist specialising in children. This is not the little girl's fault and please, do not judje her - she is merely a product of her environment.

If this is simply a case of a misbehaving child, well then, as CS says, try the supernanny approach, but something tells me this child has always had to fight for her share of attention and this is just how shhe has been conditioned by the adults.

Reply to Shae
Posted by: Rescue Remedy | 2007/05/14

her parents were divorced when she 6mth old - mother left dad had new relationship. she was left in creche and her mother is very unstable and she is so naughty and fakes sickness even to get attention. i am at my wits end

Reply to Rescue Remedy
Posted by: Shae | 2007/05/14

Has this chlld experienced any severe trauma? Are her parents divorced? Did that relationship fail as result of differences or was it infedelity? Is the child now surrounded by stable and healthy relationships - including those between the adults?

Reply to Shae
Posted by: My suggestion | 2007/05/13

Why can't your husband arrange to take her for an assessment. Perhaps having an evaluation and making a proper diagnoses as to her problem will be the first step in the right direction. Once a diagnoses is made then she can be treated accordingly.

If, as her mother says, her evaluation revealed nothing wrong with her. She still needs to see a play therapist/child psychologist as her behaviour with you, doesn't appear to be normal at all.

Does his father have any communication with her teacher at school/primary/preprimary? Perhaps he should give her a call and discuss how her behaviour is at school.

If she is only behaving this way when she is with you and your husband, that also needs to be addressed.

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