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Question
Posted by: Dessertmoon | 2005/11/29

Sick and tired

Hi there,

I have this problem and want to share it in order to see whether I am the one at fault here. Normally I will keep my problems to myself and only when approached by others will talk about it ie if they ask why I am so down etc. This proves to me that they are interested in my wel being or are they?

I am having a turbulance in my life at the moment and it is really hard to accept circumstances especially with my family. All I want is for them to understand what I am going through and show some kind of support. If they don't want to render support then don't ask me what is wrong.

I am sick and tired of hearing crap like "be glad you're still alive", "be thankful you don't have that disease", "it could have been worse", "what you're complaining about".....

You know what...ok so I am still alive and there is so much to be thankful for, but at this very moment in time I need support to get throughg MY problem. It frustrates me that people always throw this in your face. Even the Bible says there is a time for everything and maybe it is not the time to be judgemental. I don't care what others are doing or not. I need help now to get through my own problems so that I can see the light and then only can I be thankful that I am better off than others.

Don't ask what is wrong if you're not prepared to really suuport that person. Only if that person feel better you're entitled to point out the positives and negatives.

What is wrong with society today?

Thanks for allowing me to vent, at least I feel relieved on that aspect...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Often, people who really want to help, but have no idea of what would actally be helpful, fall back on those anodyne simplistic " Always darkest before the dawn" type of sayings, which can be so annoying even though they are well-meant. Rather than just getting cross because they're not being helpful, tell them what you want and need --- tell them HOW to be helpful, including perhaps a suggestion that just as taking your temperature every 5 minutes doesn't bring down a fever, so asking how you are every few minutes doesn't help you to feel better.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: ... | 2005/11/29

People do generally want to help... and their "be glad you're still alive" is an attempt to help you feel better.. i know that in the midst of depression it's not exactly what you want to hear.... but people do the best they can at that moment... also be honest with yourself.... sometimes they might be telling you what you NEED to hear... but not necessarily what you WANT to hear.

Something else to think about .... If you are constantly saying negative things and complaining about all sorts of things... then people are going to get fed-up and eventually give you less meaningful advice... because they know that no matter what advice they give you... it gets ignored... and so they are pretty helpless actually... and just give you standard responses.

Reply to ...
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/11/29

Its always a cop out to say "think of all the other people worse off than you". What is that supposed to do? All it does i smake us feel good that we are not in the crap others are in, but it does zip for solving the crap we ARE in or going through.

The reason people say this is becuase they do not have the answers for you, dont have solutions, and generally try say something at least to add some positive contribution. But its also an easy way for people not to have to get involved and think too hard, or participate. People tend to have too many of their own problems to spare the time and energy to help others. So as consolation a few relatively meaningles owrds are uttered.

Yes, unfortunately in this world we have to work through our own problems, and if you do have someone that is really prepared to get involved and help, that is a blessing.

Understand that most people actually just do not know how to help. They cant help themselves, so how can they help you? Pretty sad, isn't it, how many people cannot help themselves, and cannot help others. Dont be angry at people for what they are not able to do.

Reply to figured it out

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