Posted by: me | 2008/07/11

Shrink made me feel rejected

Hi Doc, My husband and I went to see a psychologist. We've been married more than 20 years. Our reasons are that my husband and I have relationship problems possibly due to misunderstandings, and more; and also a lot of the problems we have, may be due to things that happened in his past.

My reason for writing to you is because I feel a bit 'rejected' by this shrink. I know that the best thing for us to do is probably to have my husband's problems of the past sorted out first, and then later go for relationship counseling, but since it was the first consultation and we did not know what to expect, I was hoping for him hearing me out a bit too. He was mainly interested in listening to my husband, and even when I tried to put in my two pence as well, which I felt was necessary as my husband does not say things that may be important, he would politely disregard it, and continue listening to my husband only. Towards the last minute or two, he asked me "and how are you doing?" Again as I was trying to say something, he stopped me practically mid-sentence and told me he has to stop me as he has to talk to us for a minute as our time is up.

I understand that he is going to treat my husband individually and that he will refer us to a marriage counselor afterwards. I also understand that we only had an hour. I also accept (and want it this way) that my husband's past problems will be seen to before 'our' problems, but why do I have to feel worse than when I walked in there?

I have written to you in the past and you have often told me that my husband and I have lots to work on in counseling. I finally made the move (yes, I made the appointment) and now I feel rejected. Any words to make me feel better, Doc? Sorry if I'm being stupid!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It does sound as though this psychologist either seriously mishandled the consultation, or perhaps entirely misunderstood what you thought would be its purpose. Maybe he thought this was primarily to be a consultation with your husband, about his problems, with you merely present as a supplementary informant --- though even in that case, he should have taken time to listen particularly to what you had to say.
Of course you're not being stupid, and your reaction to this odd meeting is entirely understandable. It also sounds not merely clumy on the shrink's side, but as though this shrink only really deals with individual therapy, and is uneasy working with a couple.
Don't blame yourself at all. Maybe it is wise to deal with your husband's main problems first, but the way this shrink handled it leaves you with no support or asistance for yourself until such time as he then recommends you start marriage counselling. Have you spoken gently to your husband about how you felt about this session, to see what he felt about it ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lolo | 2008/07/14

same here Terri-lee, i was hoping they will give me some advise as to how to hendle my problem but the only real help i got was from CS and Budies in this Health 24 Forum.

Big Up CS and Forum budies.

Reply to Lolo
Posted by: terri-lee | 2008/07/14

i have seen 2 shrinks in the past - both woman and they just did not give a shit about my problems. i dont see anybody anymore.

Reply to terri-lee

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