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Question
Posted by: DD | 2005/11/29

Shrink!!

Okay I went to see my fiance's shrink over the weekend, I was told there was a very thin line between sane and insanity.
The reason he has to drink is to calm him when he feels a violent fit coming on.
He has a love ahte relationship with his mother, reason he beats woman up and treats them like prossies, also like inflecting pain during sex that is why he pays for it.
Shrink said these people sometimes mellow as they get older or worsen.
Cheery on the top no he will not be marrying me.
This weekend he told a friend that he wants out of the relationship, he wants to do as he please's and come home when he feels like it, not that he isn't doing so now, it's been off and on for the past four yrs now, he does his thing, quitens down for a while then starts again.
I emailed him yestreday and said why does he not tell me himself if he wants out, why tell a third party. I had made arrangements to move out when he sent mail to say we must go shopping on sat to purchase ceremic tiles for the floors, called me to notify me that his going to be a little late home, when he got home he was so sweet, lying on my tummy and joking, what type of man is this, why can't he confront me, why does he bad mouth me in pubs with his friends. His friends organise him woman, this Friday they catered a black woman for him, knowing that I can tell when his up to someting, he suggested I to park off at a coffe shop during the storm on Friday, I instantly caught on that he was up to his tricks, I drove through the storm to the pub where he was at and saw his friends girlfriend come in with this woman, this is not the first time she's brought her collegues with her, at times he calls them tarts. I don't know if I'm imagining, but would a woman want to invite her g/f's to party with her and her b/f.
How does one move on, I love him but I can't take the lies, cheating and insanity when his drunk, why can't he let me go, why keep me on then bad mouth me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like a rather old-fashioned shrink's viewpoint, but a description, anyway, of the sort of person you would not want to be married to. He sounds like a PSYCHOPATH, and though they may eventuially grow up it's not worth waiting in case they eventually, decades later, do so. They are skilled at getting what they want, and at being charming when it suits them --- don't be deceived by that. The sort of "friends" you describe are nobody's friends, and if he consorts with that type of person, tnhat confirms the diagnosis. I still can't imagine what is loveable in this person --- surely not their occasional performances when they pretend to be adorable, just to get whatever they want ? Why can't you lave him, and in due time, find a real man ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Delene | 2005/11/29

I actually feel for you.

I think this is a very troubled man who seriously need quite abit of help.
Unfortunitly, that is where you should draw the line, to realize, you cannot help him.
Extensive therapy can, medication can, but you cannot!

I dont think the question is why cant he let you go....(you are such a nice subject to control, why should he, he has what he needs) but why can't you let him go!!?

Maybe you should not look at everything that is wrong with your fiance, but you?
he is clearly not good for you emotionally, but yet, you can't leave him?
Maybe you feel responsible for him, maybe you feel scared of change?
Maybe you need him to love you & are trying just so hard to make him into what you want?
Whatever it is....
Become a little bit selfish now, and look at yourself......help yourself.

Frankly, i'm very happy that he doesnt want to marry you.
You deserve sumone who will treat you with respect.

Good luck DD

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