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Question
Posted by: kajal | 2004/11/08

should we try being friends

My ex and I broke up almost 2years ago because of his parents objection to our relationship. He was given an ultimatum..lose me or he can lose his family. I was heartbroken and I lived with the hope that one day things would work out for us. Since the breakup nuthin really changed between us…we still chat over the fone everyday and still see each other wheneva we can. In the two years neither of us has been in any relationships. We tell each other we r being friends but we r fooling each other. I saw love that first day I saw him and that is what I will always see. Things have gone sour over the past couple of months. We are constantly fighting and im more miserable when I speak to him than when I don’t. I cant stop being jealous of his girl friends..one in particular. They’ve known each other for about 10 years. Ive asked him whether he has feelings for her…he said that they are good friends and they’re close. I just wana know the truth and deal with it…not knowing is driving me crazy…He told me last nite that if it wasn’t for my jealousy, we wouldn’t be fighting….i just cant shake that off! Given that fate has decided…I don’t know y I keep tagging along….its like im trying to salvage a lost cause. He's sumtimes cold towards me and takes me for granted..ive always been there to listen to him and help. Should i I cut off all ties with him or do I just say I need time off??? Please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Shaun's handling this really well so far ! And of course it's much easier for his family to maintain theyr illogical prejudice against you without meeting you --- that's just what prejudice is, all about "pre-judging" someone.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/08

Hey Kajal,

Don't take it personally about the family not accepting you. You know how it is when it comes to culture with the Indians, they don't even bother who the person is. If the person is not of the same caste, they are just interested & will pull all stops to put a stop to it. It is unfair, but here, I would say that it is up to your bf to stand up to them... if he really wanted to... sorry if this hurts, but I'm sure you realise the truth in this.
I will say again Kajal, at the end of the day it is your choice. It seems you won't accept his explanation to your jealousy, & to this I must say that there must be more to it than her confidence in him. Could it not be that you feel threatened coz it seems like your relationship is not moving forward as you may like it to?

These are just my thoughts Kajal, sorry if it's not what you wanted to hear. I feel you're in a delicate position right now & maybe feeling very "fragile" I can only say that you should really sit back & think of yourself & really consider your future.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: kajal | 2004/11/08

Shaun, tx..ur response is much appreciated!
Yes i am indian. He is Tamil speaking and i am Hindi..and yes this was one of the reasons for the split. The thing is, they have neva met me and neva even bothered to get to know me. I think its so unfair. What has made me jealous of her now...she has popped up in our conversations recently..he told me that they are great friends and she confides in him.

Reply to kajal
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/08

Hi Kajal,

From your name I would assume that you're Indian, & therefore since I'm Indian as well I could understand his parents objection, especially where religion is concerned. Notwithstanding, I would say that he may not be as serious as you are seeing as he seems to have taken heed of the ultimatum.
It seems your jealousy may also be getting the better of you as you say you only want the truth but refuse to acknowledge his explanation. He has been "friends" with this girl for 10 years, what has changed to make you jealous now?
At the end of the day we cannot really tell you what to do, but I think maybe you should remove yourself from the situation & consider what advice you may have given someone else in this position?

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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