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Question
Posted by: Gini | 2004/03/09

Should of b proud of myself?

Hi Cybershrink

I am 22 years old and I am still a virgin. I am not prudish or anything, but I haven't found that special guy to share it with yet(not waiting for marriage for it to happen). I don't believe that I should just do for the stake of it. My friends have done it(some have regret doing it at a young age) but I know more knowledge of sex than they do-I suppose not the experience.

Nowadays young people just do it because of peer pressure,etc and I chose to do it differently. I know theres nothing wrong with me and people told me I am very pretty but I don't let that get to head cos I c myself as a person. I do know theres no right or wrong but I am just wondering is this normal? Should I be ashamed of myself because I am still a virgin at my age? Won't guys find this weird?

I would appreciate if you reply. Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Gini,
Hearty congratulations on being so sensible about this topic ! Only really weird and pathetic guys would find it weird that a girl or guy chose to remain a virgin, for any reason, or to any age. It seems to odd to me, that in what is announced to be an age of sexual liberation, there is in fact one form of sexual activity which is routinely criticized and lacks respect --- virginity. If anything goes, and we're not supposed to look down on people who insist on all sorts of odd sexual behaviours, even those involving swinging from the chandelier wih a fish in both hands --- why should someone not be equally free to remain vrgin for as long as they please ?
he answr, probably, is that so many succumbed to peer pressure, and rushed into losing their virginity, to discover it wasn't such a great idea, that they want everyone else to join them in their immaturity and lack of wisdom, and find an actual virgin reminds them uncomfotably that they had a choice, and may not have chosen the best option.
As you see here, the number of people who wished they'd waited longer, far exceds the number of those who wishd they'd changed status earlier.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gini | 2004/03/09

Hi to everyone who has written to me

Thanks for your advice and for sharing abit of your info.

Take care(",)

Reply to Gini
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/03/09

hi there

i was really in love with this guy and believed he loved me - i didn't see the signs of who he really was ...

i gave him the biggest gift a girl can give a guy - not just my body but my heart aswell
the next morning i woke up and i felt ashame - iknow now it was because there was no real commitment of a firm foundation - sure i lost the feeling of being ashamed in the heat of passion .... but thinking back today 13 years later i don't remember the passion only the feeling of selling something very precious at a bagain price and him walking away smiling for getting the biggest bargain in his life

i don't regret waiting for long so keep it up girl - you will make one guy a lucky man

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Lindi | 2004/03/09

Gini

Don't dispair. He's out there somewhere. I wanted to wait until my wedding and I did at age 28. To my biggest surprize Mr Right turned out to have made the same decision (Bonus factor). We've been married for over a year and no regrets about giving each other our virginity in the safety of marraige.

At 22 it's still difficult to hold onto your values - it gets easier with time. You'd be surprised how many people treat you with the utmost respect if they find out what you stand for. Those who don't - live and let live. Let them sort out their own issues.

As for the prudish label - remember "Inexperience does not equal ignorance".

I'm proud of you. Live life to the full and let the sex sort itself out at the right time.

Love - Lindi

Reply to Lindi
Posted by: Gini | 2004/03/09

Hi Lass and Lady Lina

Thanks for replying. To Lady Lina- U said above in your letter that it is wrong and unhealthy,could u explain what u meant about that. I do value my purity but I not saying that I am over the top proud of my goodness...and I am not looking for mr right, just some1 who b right for the moment.

Cheers

Reply to Gini
Posted by: Romantic coach | 2004/03/09

Nothing to be ashamed of. I think that you CAN be proud of yourself for not just giving it away. Pride can also come before strength and pleassure. There's nothing wrong with pride as long as you deal with it in the right manner. Being proud of yourself does not necessarily mean you are going to fall. You have decided to wait for Mr Right and as long as you are certain that he is Mr Right when you meet him, there will be joy, love, pleasure. Definitely no fall.

Stick with your convictions. And when you feel that you are ready, enjoy the sex as sex should be enjoyed. In a loving relationship.

Reply to Romantic coach
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/03/09

hi there

surely if you feel so strongly about the issue you should be proud of sticking to your convictions?!

all i know is that sex is definately special and should be given and received as such

however i have held on to me viginity till i met the "right guy" and after sharing the magic moment with him i felt pressured by myself to make the relasionship work not matter what the odds - i can't explain the feeling but it wrong and unhealthy

sure you should value your purity but don't be so proud of your own goodness - because pride comes before a fall!

i just hope you meet someone who will attach the same value to it that you do...

take care

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: lass | 2004/03/09

U should be very proud of urself. I am 28yrs and i wish i never gave up my virginity to the first guy even though i lost it at 21 but he was not the one and i wish i waited for my man who i am with at the moment. It is not worth it to just do it, wait and when u feel he is the one go for it. I wish there were many young ladies like who are still pure.

Reply to lass

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