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Posted by: Nn | 2007/07/23

Should i stay or should i go????

I do not really know what to do. I feel like I am over-reacting and yet I feel I have a right to be a bit upset. I was engaged to someone for 18 months. It did not work out and we broke up. But our feelings for each other still remained there. So we got back together 8 months after breaking up and it lasted a week because he had someone at the time and I did not really feel like being in the middle of it. 6 months after that we tried again. But this time I had someone in my life. I broke up with my current bf and went back to my ex for 3 weeks. And although I wanted to be with my ex – I was kind of weighing up the two and thought it would be best that I rather stay with my current bf and rather leave my ex alone. But when my ex and I tried to make it work, I was upfront with him that I was seeing someone and I never kept it a secret from him and I still went and broke up with my bf at the time to be with my ex. My ex said he did not have someone in his life and he had been single for a while. During the time we were together, he went to CT for a family wedding. And he told me he was going alone and that he also lost his cell phone so he was using his mom’s phone in CT. I thought it was suspicious but I just shrugged it off, but we broke up as soon he came back to JHB as I had a feeling I was going to get hurt and I wanted to rather be with my current bf. My bf and I broke up 2 months after that and then my ex and I became friends again and now we are together again. Things are going really good between us. Then yesterday I was cleaning the kitchen and on top of the fridge was a thank letter to my ex and his gf for coming to the wedding. The wedding he so called went to CT alone. So he actually went to CT for a whole week with his gf and yet told me he was alone. I confronted him about it and he said he did not tell me about her because he was unsure about the two of us and that the holiday and wedding in CT was pre-arranged and did not want to upset me. Yes granted it did happen in the past – he lied to me. We were together at the time and if he could lie to me then, then what is stopping him from lying to me now. The past month that we have been together, he has not given me a reason not to trust him and being the cautious person that I am – I have kind of been snooping around to try and see if he is up to something but I have found nothing – so I feel at ease. Yet I am still hurt about what happened a few months ago. He says he wants to marry me one day and he will do everything he can to prove to me that he is not hiding anything from me. He really seems sorry for what he has done but it still bothers me. Must I just let it go?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Guys, it is TERRIBLY difficult for me to handle dozens of very very long messages, especially when they all pile up on a monday --- at least try to spread them through the week, and edit them to render them more brief and to the point. A long discussion with all the details belongs in a paid session with your own personal shrink.
Either let it go, which sounds like the wisest option, or at least insist on the pair of you getting into serious relationship counselling to see what can be sorted out. Long yoyo relationships do nobody any good

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: John | 2007/07/23

As much your and your partner are into each other, it does nto necessarily follow that you are good for each other. Your history of breaking up and making up does not augur well for the future. It may be useful to examine the reason(s?) for each break-up, in detail, openly and honestly. If the underlying causes for this volatile realtionship have not changed then you need to evaluate whether you two could be together succesfully.

That said, I know a couple that have been together for 25 years and fight continuosly. It is unpleasant to be with them for any length of time but they swear that they would not have any other partner and that they love each other. Go figure.

Personally, I would rather have a partner that I would fight for, rather than with.

Continually making up smacks of impermanence, a lack of commitment or perhaps a fear of it. Couples counselling may help you both to explore the chances for permanent happines together.

Reply to John
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/07/23

I hope you finally learned your lesson now!! He will NOT change!

Reply to Echelle

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