Posted by: Schnapps | 2003/03/25

should I stay on or let go?

I have recently been intimate with a guy I totaly adore. Problem is I dont think he feels the same and he doesnt let his feelings be known to me.I know he has issues with his past relationships but I think I am entitled to some honesty.I dont know how to bring this up.Also I dont wanna lose him.

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Our expert says:
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Dear Schnapps,
Maybe other readers have useful advice on this point, based on their own experiences. I find sometimes it can be risky to rush towards "adoring" someone early in a relationship. Surely, if he adored you, he would want to tell you. Whatever the reason --- maybe issues remaining from his previous relationships --- it sounds as if he doesn't like talking about his feelings ( many men don't ) and may be much more cautious about leting himself rush into possibly loving relationships.
How can you bring it up with him ? Well, not in an argument. But at a quiet, comfortable, peaceful time ( presuming the two of you have some of those ? ) simply tell him about how you feel, and that, though you recognize that he has concerns arising from past experiences and that he probably doesn't like talking about emotional issues, you really would like to know more about how he feels about you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: curly | 2003/03/26

Don't ask any question that you don't want the answer to and never risk more than you can afford to loose. If he doesn't have any feelings do you want to know? Will you regret opening yourself up and being vulnerable to him? Be careful about this type of converstion, it's only easy when it goes the way you want. Best of luck!

Reply to curly
Posted by: Zeena | 2003/03/25

You have to step carefully here. Be independent, and go out with other people (boyfriends or girlfriends). Do NOT be clingy -- it's the quickest way of scaring a guy away. No matter how much you adore him, he probably does not feel the same, at least, not yet. Stay calm, do not phone or crowd him, and be your own woman! Don't, don't, let on how much you "adore" him! Men like best the things they cannot have. Become evasive, BE the person/thing he cannot have. Don't just jump into bed with him -- it's a sure-fire way of making him plainly bored with you. Don't be easy. Be hard to get. Even if you went to bed with him once is no reason to sleep with him regularly. I've said it before many times and will repeat it: if men can have all they want without commitment, why would they want to marry?

Reply to Zeena
Posted by: nina | 2003/03/25

hi there

surrey you don't "have him" cause you were intimate once?

calm down and takew one day at a time if he contacts you acouple of times go out and have fun
only once you know he is interested in more then ask him if you can discuss some issues

but don't scare the poor guy so soon,
personally i don't think you should be intimate with a guy before you've had the "big talk" but thats just me

good luck


Reply to nina

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