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Question
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/05

Should I or should I not?

Sorry just so much.....

Hi again,
This question is nagging me and this seems to be a pattern with me, but unsure how to proceed. As you know just for background my daughters father is a 'fly-by-night', very shifty fella, comes across as the gentlemen, good manners, neat, etc., etc., however he doesn't contribute a thing for his child. He is more than 30 thousand in arrears and I am struggling financially, although as in earlier posting said I have a lot to be grateful for, it feels like I am fighting a loosing and unworthy battle, as though I won't succeed no matter what.
I contacted a legal aid service and they are prepared to take matters further, however is it really worth all the hazzle of anihilnatiing (excuse spelling) him, I don't want to be his friend and he makes me very angry, but isn't it just best to leave it, one day it will come back to him, maybe that is why he struggles to get any of his business deals off the ground.
He sounds depro himself and exhausted in that nothing seems to be panning out, but then on the other hand he drives a merc and so forth. Should I proceed and make a case against him for the maintenance and he probably disappears or fights back viciously, making matters worse again or do I leave it and let the anger build in me? (I know I am probably answering myself but I really feel confused about this issue, also he seems sincere in trying, or am I just fooling myself, because he doesn't do anything he promises?)
I should maybe just let be what will be and forget about him completely, let him go his route and attempt to do things without him, so to say, write him off and forget he exists, stop souring my life in trying to live and provide for my child. It is just so exhausting to continuously have to struggle for everything in life and as soon as things look better something goes wrong and I don't help with this continuous hurting of myself, I mean all the hospital bills are going to crush the life out of me, not to mention the meds. I am babbling again, having a mild panic attack.
By the way CS - no bruised rib from resuscitation -- I think it is internal but going strong on the water and hoping for the best, whatever it is, I will go with the flow.
Just needed to get this off my chest --

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi BT,
Funny how many men who claim to be poor, drive mersc. Whether it's worthwhile pursuing him further, leghally, can only be decided by you, with the advice of your lawyer. It might be worth establishing his duty to pay maintenance, allowing you the option of greeing to wait for it if and when he is financially strapped, but not letting him off the ood permanently.
if you are ttuly able to let go, and forget him, and not be any longer annoyed by him, IF you can, that might be a good option.
Funny, in a way, does it also occur to you, that part of this odd sensation in your chest is somehow related to all the stuf you need to "get off your chest", in a literal and metaphorical sense ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: sec | 2004/10/05

Hi - been reading alot on the website and your understand that your energy levels not being what they are. If the legal aid is prepared to do all the work go for it. You will need the support - kids grow up and it is fair that he starts contributing something to them as well as that extra cash might take of some financial worries. It will also give you a sense of achievement that you have been able to put 1 foot before the other and accomplished something. It is not easy and it will cause bad blood but just change your tel number or tell him to contact your legal aid if he has anything to say to you that is not to the benefit of the kids.
Once you start taking control over one area in your life it gets easier as life throws it curve balls to you. Just remember if a door closes another one opens even if it is only a window. When life is very dark remember to look up and see the small things that you need to be grateful for in your life..your beautiful kids, the things you have achieved on your own, your life and all the goodness you spread around - you might not think sdo but somewhere there night be someone that appreciate something you said or did for them. Good luck with whatever you decide

Reply to sec
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/05

Hey BT,

I agree with A here. If you have the energy to see it through then go for it, but yes, your health & well-being is much more important at the moment.
Maybe put it aside for now with intention of probably looking at the option later when you're much stronger.
You've been through quite a lot recently, & I don't feel you need to add more stress & tension to yourself just yet.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/05

Thanks A, you are probably right, not going to cope with this, it feels like just too much. Knew what you meant. How are you doing - hellofalongday this side too, feeling very tired, more than usual......Take Care.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: A | 2004/10/05

Sorry - catch 22 situation - been a hellofalongday!!!

Reply to A
Posted by: A | 2004/10/05

BT - if you have the energy to get the maintenance from him then by all means do it, but remember it will drain you even more to constantly fight this out. At the present time you may require the money urgently but your health and sanity are worth more in the end.

dont start something you cant cope with but at the same time that money for maintenance is due to you - catch 24?

Reply to A

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