Posted by: uno | 2003/02/20

should i maryy him

i have moved in with my boyfried and we will be married in may, i love him so much and he treats me like a queen but lately i dont know what to make up of his behavior. he used to spend lots of time with me but now he spend less time with me, he comes to bed late like 4am and when i ask him what he was doing all night he says he was just down loading some stuff on the internet. then when i was using the computer i found out that he was on porn websites at first it was not bad but now it really gone bad he's always on net and this hurt me a lot and i told that i dont like what he was doing (about the porn web site)he got angry. is it normal a man to spend five hours every night on porn web site? this is freaking me out and i dont know if i should marry him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear uno,
This sounds like something the two of you need to discuss OUTSIDE of an argument and when things are otherwise calm between you. It's actually not uncommon for a guy to spend some hours at a time exploring porn sites on the internet. And just like they can be deeply interested in cars they will never drive, they seem to be able to dissociate their interest in the nude women of the web, on whom they can gaze lustfully, from the real woman in their life, without considering that there would appear to be some contradiction involved. Most men are much more easily turned on by visual sexual images than most women are --- but, then, many women are turned on in a slightly different way by the emotional porn of Soapies and Romance novels, becoming deeply involved in and aroused by the stories of emotional / romantic relationships of others, without seeing this as being in any way unfaithful to the actual man in their life.
If this is something of major concern to you, and the two of you can't work it out in calm discussion between you, why not embark on some pre-marital counselling to work this out, and make sure there are no other latent issues which might trouble either of you ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Teddy | 2003/02/20

I have a boyfriend of more than 3 yrs now & we're staying togethor. The problem is that I red his sms's one day and I found some from the ex and I confronted him. He says he doesn't know why she's sending him messages and he has tried to stop her, but what I don't understand is why he's keeping them. Then again I found a message from someone else saying she want's to grow old with him, then a message from someone else saying u should've called to tell me u're not coming. He spends most of the time with me and once he's not around I start to think he's with one of the girls. I just don't know what to do & there's no way I can confront him because I have no right to read hi sms's.

Reply to Teddy
Posted by: Spooky | 2003/02/20

Most (young) men enjoy watching porn. This does not necessarily mean that they don't love their spouses or that they will transform into some kind of monster in the future. It is normal for anyone to become upset when you attempt to stop them from doing what they enjoy doing, especially privately.
Living with/marrying someone does not imply that you must now take over the complete running of their lives, dictating to them what they should like and what not to like, etc, etc.

On the brighter side: (a) Watching Porn may not be the only thing he does on the PC.
(b) Time really flies when you're on the pc/net - to others it could be incorrectly misinterpreted as an obsession. (c)The novelty of watching porn wares off eventually. (d)Your boyfriend sounds perfectly normal to me. (e)He may turn out to be a great lover, good husband and fantastic father.
(f) Nothing stops you from postponing your wedding or from divorcing him, should he really change into a monster one day.

Good luck for the future
Spooky(the unfriendly ghost)

Reply to Spooky
Posted by: BLUE | 2003/02/20

Only time will tell girl...If he continues behaving like this towards you - I suggest that you leave him. Good luck!!

Reply to BLUE

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