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Question
Posted by: confused | 2004/01/27

should I let him sleep with someone else?

Thank - you to all who responded your advice has really helped me but I feel that I need to help myself before I can help him because I think if maybe I were more attentive I could have stopped this. I am just devastated and feel so unattractive. This has destroyed all faith in my capabilities of being a good wife because I feel I cant satisfy him anymore and I cannot imagine what he wants from me he is living in a fatasy world
reading these books then going to prostitutes hoping to act out what he sees in these magazines but he is setting himself up for a big reality check all his excuses for not going through with it have been that when he arrives at these places they are too tacky do I have to wait until he finds One that is to his liking if he is looking for those women he sees in those books he aint going to find them in the classifieds and how can he expect me to compete against his fantasies I am fighting a loosing battle here and hopefully in time I will know what to do but as you said he probably just said he would see someone to make me beleive once again that he was truly sorry but it is not enough anymore and I feel so foolish. I do love him and I know he loves me but i dont think he is in love with me anymore and that is the problem. His actions are planned and calculated and not spontaneous which makes me beleive that he is determined to finish this no matter what and the fact that I keep catching him out just pospones the inevitalbe and I cant live like that anymore thats why I thought if I just let him do it he could finally decide if I am what he truly wants and set us both free from the lies once and for all. The lies,dishonesty and my feelings of inadequecy are killing me and although I love him more than anything I have a beautiful child that I have to love and it is difficult to do when I feel like I have nothing to offer anymore......

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

c, if he's waiting to find a setting for prostitution that isn't tacky, it could be a really, really, long wait. And you're posing a false dichotomy --- he isnt wanting to choose between you and a harlot ; he's wanting to have both, which isn't fair. At least that's in a harlot's line of business and job description, but not in yours. And stop assuming that there must be someting wrong with YOU to drive him to these grubby pursuits. Your relationship is the responsibility of BOTH of you, and Both have the duty to declare problems which arise and to work together to solve them. Not just to look for an alternative supplier.
And if he feels that you approve of his seedy exploits, what on earth makes you think he'll stop ater once ? Or Twic..... ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Thinking | 2004/01/27

If you let him do this, how do you ask him to stop? Do you really think he won't want to repeat the experience? Especially when the root of the problem isn't ever solved!
Going with it won't fix it, it'll start a snowball motion.

You do realise this actually has very little to do with you...these are his issues. He'd have them with Pamela Anderson if she were his wife!!! It's not you, and YOU can't fix this for him.

Reply to Thinking
Posted by: Same | 2004/01/27

Believe me,you are what he wants bt his problem is so phsycological.Its a shame that he can't tell you everything he's goin through coz it might hurt you.I think there is a lot more you dont know,not because he's a liar bt because its so rediculous he cant bring himself to tell it to anyone(maybe not even a phsychiatrist).Ps just be there for him,try to squeeze the whole truth out of him.Maybe his problem has more to do with a male ego than anything else,coz I think mine.
Gudluck

Reply to Same

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