Posted by: Prob girl | 2009/04/20

Should I go????

Hi there

About a year and a half back my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. It was quite messy, and it took me some time to get over him. We worked everything out and became friends, as we were before we were in a relationship.

About a year ago our friendship changed. It just wasn' t what it used to be, we hardly ever saw each other cos he was always busy. We simply did an occasional coffee or call now and again. When I asked him why we seem to drift apart, he told methat he is bisexual (according to him)/gay (according to his gay friends).

Now obviously it was a great shock to me, and I think that created a bit of distance between us, as I know he could sense that I wasn' t ready to accept his sexuality. And of course it was true. I felt betrayed, and I hated him for lying to me (in our relationship cos he seemed to go from straight to gay in couple of months,a nd in our friendship cos he didn' t trust me enough to tell me about his sexuality).

This created some tension in our friendship, and I would become really nasty towards him at time, lashing out at him cos it was difficult for me to acceept.

I am over him, I know that, and he is a good friend to me, but it' s difficult for me to seperate the friendship from a relationship that was in the first instance. Secondly, on Saturday he told me that he is seeing a guy. I got so angry, but I tried to remain calm, and get into the conversation, but the information was too much for me too handle, and I left not soon after.

When I got home I realised that I am not ready to deal with this, that I don' t want to be in his presence. I was also supposed to attend an event this weekend and found out that his new partner is going to be there. I already paid for the tickets, but I am strongly thinking about not going.

On the other hand I know I have to face the situation sooner or later, so I might as well go, put on my best threads and have a ball of a time with my other friends. I don' t want him to get the idea that I still want him or whatever. But I' m scared of what I' ll do, how I' ll act.

What should I do??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Did you ever actually "get over him " ? You're still bothered about the details of his private life. That's not "over it". It sounds very much as though, also, you are NOT at all comfortale about or accepting of, his bisexual / gay status, and resent it and won't grant him the right to see who he pleases, let alone another man. You're not bothered that he might think you still want him --- it is you who are bothered that you do still want him.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Pinky | 2009/04/23

I' m sorry to break to you my dear but you are and were never really trully over him. The fact that not only his sexuality bothers you but that he has someone else is prof enough that you are still very much into him. It would be best for you to keep your distance from him for a while before your " friendship"  is destroyed for good. You need to sort out your feelings and the " issues"  you are having which he is obviously not aware of, he is under the impression that all is well but is it?

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Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/04/20

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