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Question
Posted by: tlc | 2004/02/19

Should i follow my heart or my head???

I am 13 weeks and had some light bleeding this morning which has stopped the last time i checked.I also have slight cramps like my period is coming.I wonder if i could be in the process of having a miscarriage.I have been under severe stress because my boyfriend has suddenly decided against me having this baby and i don't know what to do now.I also had a dream last night that i had left my 'baby girl' with my grandmother to look after her.I don't have any kids and my grandmother died many years ago so i don't understand what this could mean.I am now even more confused and stressed.Tears just fall down my face when i remember the baby girl's face in my dream.She had my boyfriends lips.The biggest worry i have right now is whether i should go ahead and have an abortion and please my boyfriend or rather go through with the pregnancy alone.The reason why my boyfriend is not willing to have a baby right now is that we have planned to relocate overseas and he believes that having a baby will interfere with our plans.He says he will do anything to make me happy but he will not have this baby coz its the wrong time.What do i do???Follow my heart or my head?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

tlc,
Sincerely, I don't believe that the dream has any significance, except maybe to show that you miss your grandmother, and wish you had her support available to you right now. As to whether you might be having a miscarriage, perhaps in the early stages, of course nobody can tell from a distance, but it'd be a good idea to see a gynae specialist, in private pracice or at a clinic, as soon as possible, for this to be checked on, and there you could see a counsellor to discuss in detail the difficult decision you face about whether to have the baby.
I can't help thinking that if your bf thinks this is an inconvenient time to have a baby, he should have been smarter about using proper contraception, rather than expecting an abortion to suit his convenience. I think lady Nina asks very relevant questions here, and I'm pleased that all of our readers have been so helpful here.
First of all, take good care of yourself --- and see a gynae about those cramps. They may be OK, but could be a sign of something already going wrong with this pregnancy, and ignoring them could be risky for you as well as any baby.

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Our users say:
Posted by: tlc | 2004/02/20

Thanks for all your great advice and words of encouragement.I want to have a baby but i have other plans as well and i'm not sure i can afford to have a baby coz im still living in my mothers house.I have been making arrangements to relocate overseas before the end of this year and havinga baby will somewhat delay or cancel those plans.I want to have a baby buy i also want to be able to give that baby everything i can.I don't want my child to suffer or have av uncertain or unstable life and future.I want to be in a position to provide fully for my child.Thats what my head is telling me but my heart wants to have this baby and see what happens next.I am still having cramps today so im still in a state of panic.My boyfriend is avoiding me and i've just decided to break contact with him.I've tried my level best under the circumstances and i don't want to make myself suffer at the hands of any man anymore.I just pray to God to give me strength during thsi time of weakness.

Reply to tlc
Posted by: FTM | 2004/02/19

Hi Dear

I agree with Lady Nina.

What makes you so sure that you'll be together if you have an abortion.

I know what it feels like to be a single parent and having the father of my son reject him, but today I have a beautiful 5 month old baby boy and I don't regret having my baby even after he threatened me to have an abortion.

I'm not telling you what to do but is having an abortion for him going to make you happy and will it be worth it.
Cause I promise you one thing ti may work for you now but you will regret it for the rest of your life.
I was scared to, I was worried to but I have a wonderful family and friends who stand by me and support me and are there for me and you can have the same.

I will be there for you supporting you, to give you a shoulder to cry on that you can lean on I will keep in touch with you encourage you show you all the positive things that does come out of having a baby. It's your call. I know exactly how you feel I was in the same position.

You have alot of emotions running around inside you right now and they all in shambles. Being pregnant isn't funny it's hard I know I felt like an alien to myself aswell never mind other people.

You asked if you should follow your heart or your head what are each of them tellinng you?

Most important question what is it that you want, not your b/f you, I want to know what you feel and you want?

Take Care
FTM

Reply to FTM
Posted by: kasandra | 2004/02/19

tlc

my heart goes out to you in the end bottom line is what do you want you are already having dreams about the baby how would you cope afterwards with all the nightmares to follow there is an emotional bond between a mother and a child i think deep inside of you you already feel this TLC you must do what is right for you not what your boyfriend wants for you you have that obligation towards yourself and your unborn baby,
thank heavens this cross was not on my road to carry, but would you be able to live with yourself afterwards .........
the scares would that ever heal?
if you want this baby stand up for yourself and keep yourself and this baby safe.....

Reply to kasandra
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/02/19

hi there

i'm really sorry for you,
i can't give advice since i'm not in your shoes
only one question... will you be able to live with yourself should you decide to kill the baby?
could you still repect your partner after he rejected a part of you that was unable to defend it self?

take care of yourself

nina

Reply to lady nina

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