Posted by: Anonymous | 2008/11/19

Should I change?

I have dubble standerds for my children as I pressurise one child maybe in an attempt to reach the goals that I never could which she do reach but now her standerds are even higher and this seems to bring her down if she fails so then I feel guilty for pushing her (she is a child who loves to please as this gets her the attention she requires). So is this good for her selfesteem? All her friends gets higher grades than her then I would sometimes blame her that she could have done better just to comfort her when she is down. My other child I don' t expect anything as she has a sickness and I think she must just enjoy live while living and when she achieve the same as her sister I so glad and suprised and then sometimes remind her how much more she chould do if she would put in a bit more effort. So must I slack on the one child and pressurize the other one more or am I going the right way abou it as the other child doesn' t care if she pleases me or not?

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Our expert says:
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Don't push. Encourage her with praise for whatever she does well, and allow her to choose, based on her skills and interests, what that will be. It doesn't matter in the least what grades her pals get --- what matters is whether she is performing up to HER p[otential, withwer this is higher or lower in thse specific tests, than her pals.
Don't pressure either child --- love them, encourage them, and praise them for all they do that is right and good. It shouldn't be about distorting her own life and talents to please you.

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