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Question
Posted by: Mia | 2005/07/13

Should I be worried?!!!

Yes - it's me. The one who is being harassed by the IT guy at work only this time IT IS ANOTHER GUY!

I met a man out on Sat night - friendly chat that's it! I was getting so annoyed talking to him I cut him short and went home. He asked for my number but I said I would take his (obviously without EVER intending on calling him)!

He phoned me now and I asked how he got my number. He remembered my surname and phoned my father's company asking for my details! I did not know what to say to that. I cut him short and he said he'll call me tomorrow.

What's worse is that he tried twice to call my sister at work today! He knows she has a boyfriend so I think he is trying to get to me through her! I DO NOT KNOW THIS GUY AT ALL!

This is really scaring me! I have a bad feeling about him. I do not know how much he knows about me because he has obviously been asking around! My first instinct is to insist that he never contacts me again and that I didn't want to give him the wrong impression!

Please help me! What should I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You know, I may sound like Lady Bracknell in Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest ( in her famous line, hearing that a suitor was an orphan, when she said :" To lose one parent might be regarded as misfortune, but to lose both sounds like dowbright carelessness") --- to run into one guy bent on sexual harrassment is unfortunate ; to find two within a month sounds like it'd also be worth examining whether there is some way in which you are especially vulnerable in this regard, in finding such men and somehow indicating to them that this is worth trying on ? Obviously, nobody wants to attract creeps, but some of us manage it more readily than others.
This guy is at least a creep, and is sinister in the devious ways he is using to try to get to you, without apparently having received any particular encouragement from him. This sounds eerily like early stalking, and Elsie is probably right about telling him clearly and pleasantly but firmly that you don't like what he is doing and you don't want a relationship with him, and will take steps such as a restraining order if he doesn't leave you alone.
And Maxi takes up my opening point --- maybe you open yourself too readily to strange men who you really don't know at all, before finding out enough about them to be able to decide whether they're the sort you would want to get to know, at all.
It sounds as though you told him FAR, far too much about yourself before knowing enough about him --- why on earth tell him about your father's busienss, or even that you have a sister ? And what on earth is your dad, or anyone in his company, doing, foolishly handing out your phone number to an unknown caller ? Aren't you, even if you don't realize it, being too encouraging towards men you don't like ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: caz | 2005/07/14

flower has a point.......

Reply to caz
Posted by: Charlie | 2005/07/14

You obviously gave him enough information about yourself for him to have already contacted your father's company and now your sister. Maybe you should be taking a long hard look at yourself before pointing fingers although he sounds like a weirdo but you are the one to blame for stringing him along. Don't be a victim if you don't like someone - rather just say you are dating someone else if you are afraid, Be honest cause lying to yourself and other isn't going to get you anywhere in life.

Reply to Charlie
Posted by: flower | 2005/07/14

I think you should see someone. I mean I thought your last day at work was friday.

I get the feeling your making this up.

Reply to flower
Posted by: Deubel | 2005/07/14

Next time he phones you just tell him you are not interested. And if he continues to phone you don't answer the calls.

Eventually he will get the message through his thick skull.

Reply to Deubel
Posted by: Maxi | 2005/07/14

Seems strange that you seem to attract these weirdos???

Maybe you shouldn't just start talking to any old stranger without having some sort of backup - a friend or whatever?
People dont just start harrassing someone out of the blue - they need to have some sort of invitation.
Well thats just what i think. And why would your dad just give some stranger your details?? And how did this guy get your sister's number?? How did he know you had a sister???

You must be careful girl! Its a dangerous world out there and there is a lot you can do to keep outta situations like this.

Hope everything works out fine hey!
Take care.

Reply to Maxi
Posted by: Elsie | 2005/07/14

You better warn him that if he does not stop harassing you, you will report to the cops and have him a restraining order against him. It is definitely harassment. Act now because you don't know how far he will go with this stalking.

Reply to Elsie

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