Posted by: Tessa | 2005/12/12

should I?

hi Sexologist

I have vaginismus , I'm 36 and because of it haven't had sex in 9 years as it's just way to painful to even get "it in". I've had sex when I was 26, but seem to have built up a whole lot of fear again.
I'm going away with a male friend from London this weekend, shoud I try and have sex with him?
might be difficult but might help get over my phobia.
oh dear...what to do?


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Look at and There are no quick fix treatment for Vaginismus, my patient take on average 6 - 9 months

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/12

I met a woman who had the same problem, but we got it right the first time tried it because we had developed a relationship, she felt comfortable with me, and she knew that I would treat her with respect and care, and love.

With her mind and heart right, she let go with me, and in a sense just let herself go completely, and it worked. No anxiety, no worries, nothing, just absolute comfort and trust.

Jst try let yourself go, and you must trust him. Dont tell him of your condition, or else you will worry that he will be upset if he doesn't get it right., and that will cause you to tense up and not be relaxed. Just dont worry about it, ok.

And if it does happen that you cant get it right, then explain it to him, and I'm sure he will understand. If you feel you can discuss it with him before hand and he will understand, then go for it and share it with him so you can work through this as a couple.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Kandy | 2005/12/12

Jees girl - this is a psychological problem - you need help! Its not that uncommon either so don't leave it any longer - go speak to someone and start enjoying life!

Reply to Kandy
Posted by: Kate | 2005/12/12

I think thats great advice, Vibrators can cure the world. All women would be happier to have one.

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Jay | 2005/12/12

Have you tried using a vibrator? They come in so many shapes and sizes. With some lube you could find out what works for you and overcome the anxiety and build up your confidence again without there being a performance expectation.

Reply to Jay
Posted by: Angel | 2005/12/12

Agree with Kate. Maybe something in the way you were raised - Sex is wrong etc. What happens if you masturbate?

Reply to Angel
Posted by: Kate | 2005/12/12

have you explored the reasons behind it, that is a very long time without sex.

Reply to Kate

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