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Question
Posted by: ezra | 2008/01/25

She wants to move in

Lately my girlfriend of 18 months has become a little too demanding, first she insisted i should sponsor her hair.....okay maybe is my responsibility as a BF bt i hate the fact that it came from a so called land lord, she is her new teacher now about how girlfriend should be treated, it is not like i have not been helping...recently she insist on moving in with me,

i am staying with my brother and i am paying rent and all she wants is just to spent all of her time with me, i love her too but i am not ready to spent all of my hours with her,

i am 25 and she is 21 ....i don't undersyand the rush...to spent all of this time with me, the thing is she does not have many friends and the only time that she is having fun is when i am around...or so she says...i wish she could find fun things to do except spending time with me....i am not dreaming of settling down any time soon....i still have a lot of things to do before i settle ..i am open a business the last thing i need is someone complaining about me not spending enough time at home..

i find it frustrating that she so ready to settle down and expect me to be as well and she thinks my resistance is based on the fact that i dont love her as much as she loves me, which is entirely wrong ...i am fast runnig out of excuses as i cannot bring myself to telling her that i am not ready to move in with anyone...i have way too much on my plate my brother and sister have to complete their studies first....i am still taing care of them too. but i cannot tell her that she is just too sensitive.......

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sponsor her hair ? I have never heard of anything so ridiculous ! And moving in should be at your invitation, not at her insistence. She sounds horribly needy and greedy, and far too high maintenance to make a happy relationship likely. She's wanting an indulgent Sugar Daddy, not a mature adult relartionship.
As you seem to recognize, she really needs to grow up, and find a life for herself, and one that is not parasitic on someone else, like you. She needs to become one of the cattle, not one of the Ticks. SHe sounds as though she would seriously compromise your healthy and sensible plans for the future. And you have also your loyalties to your family and sibs to deal with.
It is NEVER EVER a good idea to maintain a relationship with someone who seems "too sensitive" for you to be able to discuss serious and relevant issues with. If she throws a selfish tantrum, that'll confirm that this is NOT the woman for you. Tell her she cannot move in, and find a way out of this entanglement ( which it is, more than a relationship). Carry on with your otherwise admirable plans for your life. You deserve someone far better than her, less self-centred and selfish

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Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2008/01/25

I admire you for looking after your younger brother, You dont find people taking responsisbility like that anymore.
As for g/f... can u imagine the demands she wud make if
u guys were married?? Think carefully about girls like these.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Blondie.. | 2008/01/25

One more thing - it's not your duty to sponsor her hair do's. If you wish to do it for your wife someday - that's an enormous priviledge, but never ever a duty!

Reply to Blondie..
Posted by: Maria | 2008/01/25

You sound like an admirable young man, and your gf is a fool to try and push you into something you are not ready for. I agree with the other posters - tell her how you feel, and if she cannot accept that then she is not the right girl for you anyway.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: ...*...*... | 2008/01/25

Oh no! She sounds very immature! Just tell her that you have to much on your plate at this stage and that she can't move in. She will probably not understand but that's her problem. Think of how it will be once she's living with you if she's already high maintenance (I only dream of my bf sponsoring my hair - know it costs a fortune so WONT expect it from him).

I think it's great what your doing for ur brother and sister, I was in the same situation - at the end its worth it!!

Good luck with your business!!

Reply to ...*...*...
Posted by: Blondie.. | 2008/01/25

Just tell her - then she can do with the info as she pleases, I mean with the way she's throwing tantrums - what would you stand to lose?? Later in life she'll realize what she flushed down the toilet.

She sounds very selfish and immature. You need someone with a mature outlook on life.

Good luck..

Reply to Blondie..
Posted by: Easy | 2008/01/25

Be straight with this girl. Break it to her gently that you are not ready for this moving in thing. If it were me I would tell her that its a sin to live together before marriage (a little white lie but oh so effective). But my friend lies are not good so just tell her! The fact that she cant see how you are supporting your siblings and she is making demands means that this girl is high maintenance. Be careful dude and good luck

Reply to Easy
Posted by: Nia | 2008/01/25

Ezra, the purpose of having a boyfriend or a girlfriend is not to sponsor hair or be financially responsible for the other person. It is also not to be with one another 100% of the time, but to love one another, spend quality time together (quality, not quantity!). You do not have to sponsor her hair, in fact you are not financially responsible for her at all - unless you marry her or have a child with her - in which case you will only be responsible for the child. In fact - unless you marry her, you never have to move in with her. I think she is abusing your kindheartedness. She should have friends of her own, and provide for herself.

I wish there were more people like you, willing to take care of family members when they need it. Good for you!

Good luck with the business.



Reply to Nia
Posted by: ezra | 2008/01/25

Bra i am 25 living with my younger brother who is completing his studies and currently looking for employment and so in the mean time he too needs my help FYI....that is how i was raised...i am my brothers keeper...and i dont think that makes me a bad person--oldie

Reply to ezra
Posted by: Oldie | 2008/01/25

You are 25 and living with your brother ? Gheeeez get your own place

Reply to Oldie

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