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Question
Posted by: Friday | 2006/04/21

She is So Insecure!!

Hi everyone, hope you are having a great friday heading into the weekend.....

Ok here is my dilemma, I have been with my Gf for over a year now & just moved in together, now the thing is she is constantly checking my cell phone, I caught her doing it yesterday when she went into the shop my cell was in her bag (she has done this previously & I said that if it happened again it was over) I came in to tell her to get something & there she was going through it again! Now first of all if I had something to hide I WOULD not leave it in her bag! She gets angry if I make new gay friends she thinks they all wanna shag me!! I mean even girls I would never ever be with she says we wanna shag each other!!! She goes through whatever she can get her hands on, cell phone statements etc she even calls the number to see who it is, I think this is ridiculous when I am not doing anything, she is invading my personal space & its driving me nuts the jealous insecure behaviour.....

I have spoken to her, & it still doesnt matter! How does she expect me to have or make friends when this is how she acts all the time, I will not stand for it & ive told her that! I do not look through her things so why can she not respect my things?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Friday, welcome to our forum and thanks for posting here.

The heading of your post says it all - she is very insecure. Her actions are not about you - they reflect her own issues and problems. Ironically, it is her insecurity that could drive you away from her but paradoxically, your standing up to her could feed her irrational assumption that you have something to hide and we end up with a cycle that is difficult to break out of. She's making her own problems your problem and probably blames you for her insecurity. To be blunt, your relationship is showing elements of a cycle of abuse. Is this what you want?

Sorry to say this but the prognosis sounds relatively poor here. Ideally she should be in individual therapy.

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