Posted by: Nick | 2008/07/17

Sharing bedroom


We have had to move recently to a smaller place. My son's now need to share a bedroom. They are 17 & 14.

The older one is giving me uphill about it saying he needs privacy etc - my response was that they are both boys and don't have anything the other one has not seen before!

I wanted to know if there are any thoughts re siblings sharing a bedroom and if it affects them negatively.


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Our expert says:
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Hi Nick,

there are not problems with siblings sharing per se, but the situation you have is that they have never had to share before. When sibs have grown up together sharing it seems very natural to them and despite some territorial squabbles it usually works out okay.

There are a number of issues here which may be impacting on your sons. Firstly the circumstances surrounding why you had to move house and the emotional impact this has had on the boys. Is your elder son angry with you for having to move house? - it may not be your fault but nevertheless you will be in the firing line as a parent. Developmentally there is a huge divide between 14 and 17 years of age and your 17 year old is at a stage where his own space has become important to him, so having to suddenly share will be impacting on him. At this stage your 17 year old will be much more aware of himself emotionally, physically and sexually and privacy in regard to all of these things as an adolescent become important to the young person.

If you happen to be using a possible bedroom space as a study/computer room consider turning this into another bedroom so they can have their own space. At 14 your son will still be very much a boy in certain ways, your 17 year old is rapidly becoming a young adult. If it simply isnt possible and you dont have the space then you will need to speak with your eldest son about acknowledging his needs, but having to outline the realities of your situation.

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Our users say:
Posted by: g | 2008/07/22

It sounds like he need a period of adjustment. Give hime some space to work things out. He will come around soon enough. < br> < br> Also have a talk to both of them around space and boundaries. They need to learn to respect each other.< br> < br> Good luck. I hope he settles soon.

Reply to g
Posted by: Jay | 2008/07/17

I think if he' s used to having his privacy and now he' s had to give that up then I can understand why he' s giving you uphill about it - you need to be sensitive to that at least.

Maybe just explain that you completely understand where he' s coming from but sometimes sacrifices have to be made so he should try make the best of the situation.


Reply to Jay
Posted by: M | 2008/07/17

My brother and myself shared a room till we left home after school and we never had any issues - I think he is just trying to be difficult

Reply to M

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