Posted by: Sally | 2009/03/18

Sexually Frustrated

I just don' t know what to do anymore...
My bf and I are a great couple. We are perfect for eachother in every way, EXCEPT... the bedroom.
I am so frustrated. In 6 months, I' ve only had an orgasm once. I am concerned that this may affect our realationship, as I am now feeling resentful, and I used to always be the one innitiating sex, but now I don' t even feel like - why bother when I don' t get any pleasure out of it.

I am so irritated. I have tried talking to him about this. He listens, but shortly after the " quickies"  start again.

I know that I am going to marry this man - is this a bad idea if the sex is so unsatisfying? Can a relationship really be successful with disappointing sex?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Your choice of spouse can be determined by a number of factors, all of which are determined by your value system. In my line of work I do find that sexual difficulties can have significant negative spin offs for the relationship, so it could be problematic. However, if you value other things more highly, then that might not impact on YOUR decision.

I wonder why he resumes to the quickies, and also it seems that if you have only had an orgasm once in 6 months, despite him listening to your concerns, then perhaps you need to see a sexologist for an assessment to figure out exactly what is going on. There are a number of possiblities:
1. IF you have been orgasmic through penetrative intercourse before, then you need to think about what else is different for you (other than the experience being 'quick').
2. If you have never been orgasmic in this way, then perhaps you need to explore your own response a little more.
3. If his quickies are based on ejaculating too quickly, it may be that he needs to learn ejaculatory control (there are treatment options for this - check out previous questions on this site - I answered a question on this a few days ago).
4. If he can control his ejaculation, but chooses not to because he's tired, or doesn't think he can please you, then this needs to be better understood.

It sounds like it is a signifcant concern to you, so maybe you need to make it clear that you have concerns and want to get it sorted - if he doesn't listen, then perhaps stopping being sexual might prick his ears a little...?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: SS | 2009/03/18

How sooner we realise that the days of sexual manipulation is over, the better it will be. One cannot deprive oneself from what is natural and all because to satisfy someone elses imperfections. If one partner dont know how to satisfy the other and is unwilling to listen or learn, what can u do. If u r dissatisfied with the service of a service provider, its a freemarket, go somewhere else.

Reply to SS
Posted by: J | 2009/03/18

SS you are a sick puppy .i wonder if the rolls were reversed how would you react..what happened to FOR BETTER OR WORSE ladies and gents SALLY if you are going to marry the guy then at least tell him that you are thinking of having sex with some stranger sometime down the line ..that iam sure will make him very happy..

Reply to J
Posted by: SS | 2009/03/18

Hi sally. I am a man and married for 24 years. I gave up on having sex with my wife a long time ago. She is just not into the sex thing. She would rather prefer to sleep. Her daily routine is going to the office, return, relax on the couch, go shower and straight to bed. Now and then I would initiate sex, and she sees nothing wrong with it. What she dont know is that I have met a young girl on mxit 2 years ago in same city, her husband is just as useless in the bedroom. For 2 years now we are satisfying one another once a week. In that way she is not frustrated and me neither and it seems everybody is happy. So, dont let something like bad sex ruin a good relationship. Just find someone that satisfy u maybe once a week and the problem is solved. Sex is a small part of a relationship and luckily u can get it somewhere else without commitment.

Reply to SS
Posted by: Starlight | 2009/03/18

Hello Sally

wow i envy yourboyfriend............your biyfriend has issues and you need to find out what exactly is bothering him.......hey sally don' t fraustrate your self just ask and yeh you will get what you want ......lets chat more......


Reply to Starlight
Posted by: XXX | 2009/03/18

Very strange to hear this coming from women as well.I have always had a very active sex life ie 5-7 times a week but married a woman quite a bit younger than me a few years back and I' m now lucky to get it 1 per month.She always finds some excuse or another.
Life is too short to put up with this.Strangely enough the rest of our relationship is also good.I have tried buying toys,spoiling her terribly etc etc but nothing helps.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Anne | 2009/03/18

Hi Sally

i know exactly what you are saying. i have also given up.
i am married and have children. and it is only for that reason.
i would suggest that you sort out the sexual frustrations first before getting married because it does effect the relationship, you will get bored.


Reply to Anne

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