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Question
Posted by: Thomas | 2003/03/27

Sexually Active Teenager

Dear Doc

Recently I discovered by accident that my 18 year old step-daughter is on the pill. This means she is sexually active. Yes, I know that she is being responsible (even though I am horrified to think that my little girl is doing THAT) but I am in a quandery: do I tell her mother or not? I found out by trying to find her cellphone in her bag when it was ringing and she was in the garden and I found her pill packet instead.

Help what do I do? Respect her privacy or respect her mother's right to know?

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Our expert says:
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Dear Thomas,
Interesting dilemma. If the girl was younger, there's be real point in considering the issue of the need to protect a minor, versus her right to privacy. But, you say, she is 18, which makes her legally an adult, and that includes the right to be wrong, and also the right to make her own decisions about sexual matters.
Now, this is not to say that there might not be something going on which could be worthy of concern. As neither you nor her mother seem to have developed the relationship with her in the direction of frank discussions of matetrs of concern, including sexuality, qould it seem too artificial for you to try a discussion with her on sexual matters, perhaps in the light of having heard of a colleague's daughter of 18 or 19 who has discovered that she is HIV positive --- and ask about her opinion about how teenagers should protect themselves, and what cautions and precautions she thinks are appropriate these days, so different from the days in which you were growing up yourself ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Spooky | 2003/03/29

If she is not an 18 year old nun and her sexual partner is not a monk, then the only problem I see here is your having invaded her privacy. If anything, she should be commended for acting so responsibly. Many a mother would have prefered to have found what you did, Thomas, rather than live with a daughter's unwanted pregnancy.
Oh, thanx for that handbag warning, CA.

Reply to Spooky
Posted by: Captured Angel | 2003/03/28

Just leave it be. You shouldn't have been in her bag to start off with. Cellphone or not. A woman's handbag is a PRIVATE PLACE :-) .. seriously though, don't make a big deal of it. She doesn't need to answer to anyone and who says her mother has the right to know anyhow? A person's sexual "status" is their own personal matter, they don't need to discuss it with anyone if they don't want to.
Lesson to all men out there. Stay out of women's handbags.. some of us have man eating toys hidden! :-)

Reply to Captured Angel
Posted by: lookie | 2003/03/28

Hi
No offense but her being on the pill does not mean that she is sexually active ...I was about that age when I went on the pill
It was prescribed by my Gp for other reason ...and as a matter of interest I was not sexually active.
and also said nothing to my mother ...

So I guess Im saying respect her, be seportive and dont junp to conclusions
she is old enough to know what she is doing!!

also what would you rather have a angry teenager (if you tell her mother) a pregnant teenager,
or a responsible one?

Reply to lookie

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