Posted by: DIPPIE | 2004/11/22

Sexually abused!!!!!!!!

Well, my dilema started 16 years ago. At the age of 13 I was sexually molestered by a cousin. This used to take place nearly every day for about a year and a half. He was 19 at the time and used to come over to my house and force me to perform sexual acts. This carried on until I was 15 years old.

At the age of 14 I was raped by another cousin of mine. I bet you are wondering why i never told anyone, I eventually did when I turned 21. You see at the time when all this was happening, my father was always on business trips, my mom on the other hand was an alcoholic, all I had was my younger brother. In any even I thought if i told someone nobody would believe me. When i eventually told my folks, they done nothing about it, cause it is to late.

All this has damaged me psychologically, but I tried to put it into the back of my mind, until I had a baby girl, all the horrible memories have surfaced and i can't seem to let my boyfriend touch me without feeling dirty and thinking back. I have even told him he reminds me of my cousin.

I am so mad I feel like sreaming out to the world about what has happpend, I was even thinking of going to a lawyer, to hurt them like they hurt me. Even though this happend so long ago, is there anything I could do to get justice, or is this to late. I feel that I have been robbed of my innocence, my dignity, my sanity, my trust in people and my self confidence!!!

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Our expert says:
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Dear Dippie,
I can understand your situation. TO people who haven't experienced this sort of rather chaotic home situation, it seems odd that one didn't blow the whistle at the time, but it's not always as easy as it seems from the outside, especially if one has absentee or irresponsible parents. And abusers often make it a point to persuade you that nobody will believe you.
It's a legal question as to whether you would still have a right to sue the perpetrator --- but though it's understandable that you feel furious and would like him to be punished, even if you have still a legal right to do so, it's often not such a good idea as it might seem --- it can be very hard to prove, after all this time, and he'd presumably deny it ; and such a case can bring back all the unpleasant memories very nastily, and allow HIS lawyer to be very unpleasant to you in the witness box.
I'd think that the first priority would be for you to see a good local shrink for an assessment and discussion of treatment options. Preferably not a shrink you specializes in nothing but cases of earlier abuse, but one who has some experience of such situations, among other problems --- because it will be important for them to focus, in working with you, on the current problems you have right now, rather than exclusively digging back into the past. We can't change anything that happened in the past, but we can change how we choose to feel about it, what conclusions we choose to draw from it, and what we choose to do about it and about our future.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: The girl | 2004/11/22

I had also been abused as a child - dealt with it and carried on with life. There is a case going on right now (read about it in the newspaper) where a woman is suing her uncle for abusing her as a child 30 YEARS later, and the court is allowing procedures to progress.
My sister asked me the other day if I am considering suing the man who destroyed my childhood more than 15 years ago, but I told her it is over and done with. Except if I get the faintest whiff of him doing the same thing to another child - then I will do anything to get him behind bars. No argument there. As for me, I have carried on with life (not easily - needed a lot of help - psychiatrist et al) and I have only been getting support and a whole lot of patience from my husband.

It is possible to get through what happened - but you have to realise that it all depends on how you handle it.

Good luck.

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