Posted by: zee | 2008/07/30

sexual games between kids

my brother in law is engaged to this woman, who has 2 kids from previous marriage. the youngest is 8 years old, and last week they came to visit. i have a 8 y old and a 4 y old both girls. this other woman also has girls. they were playing in the bedroom, and later that night my 4 y old told me that the other 8 y old girl played with her and showed me where. her private parts were swollen and red, and itchy. i told the mother about it, but she ijust said that it is not true. what am i supposed to do? is this behaviour normal in a 8y old girl? and is it normal for her to to that to a 4 y old? this really stresses me so please help me to see what i have to do.
thank you so much!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Usually kids learn, even if not expressly taught, that genitals are not to be shown to other people. You will want to talk about this with both of your children in an age-appropriate way, and maybe be cautious about when these other kids visit, not to leave them alone.
One would also be concerned about the apparent fact that this other girl's genitals were swollen, red and itchy, which is not exactly normal. She might possibly have an innocent urinary tract infection, or this could be eidence of her having been abused by someone, perhaps even at school --- and this could also have encouraged her to display herself rather than to be shy about it. Maybe a calm and cautious word to your brother-in-law, to suggest that his fiancee might want to check on this possibility

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Our users say:
Posted by: **** | 2008/07/30

Please take her to your GP and get it checked out. All you can do from now on is keep a very close eye when this other woman and her kids visit or you visit them. And tell your daughter to tell you immedilately when she is touched again.

Reply to ****
Posted by: zee | 2008/07/30

I talked with my daughters from a very young age about people not allowed to touch their bodies, I told them to tell me whenever something like this happens. If I didn' t my youngest would never have told me what happened. My daughter' s genitals were swollen itchy and red, after the 8y old girl of the other woman touched my daughter there. The exact words my girl used were "  sy het daar gekrap" ..not words I would use to describe something like that. Now the other girls mom just plainly denies it ever happened, baut why would my 4y old child lie like that? Im a stay at home mom, my girls are always with me, the haven' t been exposed to such things, as I was molested wehen I was small. I guess I' ve always been overprotective.

Reply to zee
Posted by: Curious | 2008/07/30

I would keep a very close watch whenever they are in the house and not leave your kids alone with her kids.
While I think it is natural for children, once they discover that boys and girls are different, to look at each others privates I do not think it is natural for them to " play"  with each other and cause itchy, red, swollen privates.

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