Posted by: val | 2008/07/25

sexual abuse

my brother is 18 and we have just discovered that he has been in a sexual abusive relationship with my step mother how ever he is total denail of this even though a two polygraph tests have been done and both tests have proved that she came into his room at night my suspesions are that this started out as abusive and he began enjoying it my father is devastated how do you get this child to talk

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Our expert says:
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Hi Val,

I would strongly recommend that you involve social services and ask their advice in this situation. Is he still living with your step-mother and do you think the sexual abuse is still continuing? Another organisation to consider contacting is FAMSA at

If he has been abused by a parent he is going to be experiencing very conflicting and confused emotions and the conflict that exists with abuse often is the psychological rejection of what has happened whilst trying to make sense of why physical pleasure was experienced. This split is very common and via counselling he will need assistance in making sense of the difference between consenting to something sexual versus the bodies automatic physical responses. With the rest of the family in particular he may not want to discuss what has been going on.

You could consider offering him the option of speaking with a psychologist confidentially so that he has a private space in which to talk - but if he declines then it will be a case of you as a family seeking professional advice about how to proceed.

Come back and post another question if you require further assistance.

Best wishes

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