Posted by: Stroppie | 2003/01/30

Sex toys

I am very interested in experimenting with sex toys(especially vibrators). We have been married for just over 5 years. My wife is quite conservative regarding sex. Every time I approach her regarding this subject it ends up in a huge fight where I am labeled as an insensitive pervert. I am committed to my marriage and I believe that I should be able to get sexual gratification within the boundaries of our marriage, not outside of it. How should I tackle this issue? I have tried to block it out of my mind, but that does not work. Works for a while, but always returns.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Right Tool for the Job

Different vibes provide different stimulation, so experiment and choose your favorite.
Electric vs. battery: Battery-powered vibrators, like the Pocket Rocket offer more freedom of movement, while electric ones, such as the Hitachi Magic Wand last longer.
Clitoral vibes: Smaller heads, like those of the Tender Touch Massage Kit deliver more focused clitoral stimulation, and larger heads, like those of the Rechargeable Wand spread the vibrations out.
G-spot stimulation: Choose a curved, firm vibe for effective G-spot massage. Try the Clearly G or the Come Here.

Position Yourself

Lay on your back with vibrator in hand, positioned on your clitoris.
For variation, try lying on your vibrator, clenching it between your legs, or propping it against your body.
More ideas: Stand up, lie in the bath (waterproof, battery-powered only, like the Rocket Launcher), or squat.
Put a towel or cloth between your clitoris and the vibrator to ease yourself into the action.

Ready, Set, Go!

Turn your vibrator on and start by running it all over your body.
When you're ready, put a little lube on your clitoris and near your vaginal opening. (Try Liquid Silk.) Drop the tube of lube into a glass of hot water first if you want it warmed up.
For multi-speed vibrators, start on low and work your way up.
Breathe deeply. Feel free to fantasize, read erotica, or watch a video while using your vibe.

Find the Spot

Vary the speed, motion, and position of the vibrator to keep things interesting.
As you get close to orgasm, back off to stay on the delicious edge a while longer.
Enjoy rocking your pelvis while placing a long, slim vibrator, such as the Slim Classic into your vagina.
Try a curved vibrator, face up, to massage your G-spot during insertion. Our favorite is the Clearly G.

Playing with Your Partner

Vibrators are an addition to, not a replacement for, partner sex. Ask your lover to join you sometime!
Show your partner how you like it done. Masturbating for a partner can be very intimate and sexy, too.
The Remote Butterfly Vibe allows your partner to staff the controls and apportion your pleasure.
If he's open to it, try using a slender vibe with a flared base, like the Tailspin to stimulate a male partner's prostate.

Recommended Products:
Toys: Hitachi Magic Wand, Pocket Rocket, Tender Touch Massage Kit, Clearly G, Fukuoku
Books: Good Vibrations: The New Complete Guide to Vibrators, Sex for One, The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex
Videos: Self Loving, Celebrating Orgasm, How to Female Ejaculate

Good luck
Dr Elna Mcintosh

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Stroppie | 2003/01/30

Thanks for all the advice. It is much appreciated.

Reply to Stroppie
Posted by: FIRST TIME | 2003/01/30

I ordered two vibrators a while back took them home without telling my wife.
I gave it to her as a suprice the night before she left for a holiday in Durban. My wife didn`t want to use them at first but a she made peace with it and now each time we have sex she want`s me to warm her up with it.

Why don`t you go and buy a toy and introdeuce it to your wife??
If she dont like it at first just let her work it out on her oun time.
Leave it with her.We have been married for almost 3years now and my wife is conservative as well.

I hope it could be of some help.
Good Luck

Posted by: nikita | 2003/01/30


Maybe she is not comfortable with the idea of a foreign object.
If she is happy maybe you must let it be, or you can go ahead and
buy something you would like to use, and in the middle of a passion
session you can start to use the toy and surprise her.
But only you know if the latter could be attempted.

Good luck, let us know how it goes, seeing that this is a chat site.

Reply to nikita
Posted by: Stroppie | 2003/01/30

Please folks, could we limit this to advice only!!!

Reply to Stroppie
Posted by: Gotcha | 2003/01/30

Excuse me "A Lady" - ummmmm you giving advise here!!! but you the one that wants to be unfaithful to your husband - PLEASE leave it to the doc!!!!!!

Reply to Gotcha
Posted by: A Lady | 2003/01/30

Maybe your wife finds this my opinion there are a lot of conservative women out there. Try talking to her gently about it, and maybe try and get her opinion and why she considers sex toys peverted. Perhaps you two can reach some compromise .. good luck!

Reply to A Lady
Posted by: Reader | 2003/01/30

Why do you have to use toys in the first place. If she is just keen on sex without toys, that should be enough for you. Just think you could be one of those poor fellows that don't get sex at all. You cannot force the issue with her. Let her be conservative. That is how you met her, don't try and change her.

Reply to Reader

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