Posted by: Question | 2008/09/11

Sex Drives - Expert Please

Question. I know ladies have different sex drives than men. My wife and I are active about average once a week. This is a bit to little for me. I would be happy with 3 times a week, I think I have discussed it with her and every time she says she wants to improve on it but it nevers seems to happen. She does work quit hard, however I do all the cooking and dishes so we help each other. She however thinks masterbation is disgusting. How does one go about discussing alternate methods. If I ask her to do it for me she is of opinion that if she can wait so can I. Am I selfish?. Advice please?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Your situation is indeed very common. The frequency you are talking about also fits the norms/averages. In circumstances like this I always encourage partners to be willing to understand what it is like for the partner and then come to some middle ground / a negotiated compromise. It seems unreasonable that she should expect you to operate like her - perhaps try to explain to her in non-sexual terms (e.g. If I say to you when you are thirsty/hungry that I can do without a cup of tea/chocolate cake/whatever therefore so should you, how would you feel? Sexual hunger is similar). This is not to say that you should always get your way either, but I imagine it would do the relationship some good if there were some element of flexibility.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Wifey | 2008/09/12

I' m in the same shoes. Husband wants sex once a month and then it lasts for 10 seconds. I' m a highly sexual person and would have sex 3 times a day. I' ve tried EVeRYTHING.

Reply to Wifey
Posted by: Kems | 2008/09/12

Scar, I am in the same shoes, my wife is stone cold and have been married for a year now, I am tired of trying to speak about it as I just get the cold end, I am also seriously thinking if it is this bad so early in the marriage how is it not gonna be in a couple of years? I do all the cooking cleaning and all the rest and can still go at it 2 times a day, her excuses just do not make sense and she is def not getting it somewhere else ..

Reply to Kems
Posted by: Scar | 2008/09/11

LU-I feel you really im not happy in this marriage and im 26 he is 29 and we only been married for 8mnths im just wondering of our future,i just feel like he is doesnt find me attractive anymore,its really stressing and he is not even bothered that he doesnt satisfy me sexually so now im just quiet,im tired of arguing especially about sex i just cant imagine a person who doesnt want to have sex unless maybe he is getting it outside

Reply to Scar
Posted by: lu | 2008/09/11

Scar - seems that there are alot of us our there who are not getting you I have also given up asking and talking, it just causes arguments and out relationship is already so strained because of no sex... toxic

Reply to lu
Posted by: SCAR | 2008/09/11

You are not selfish at all,in my case my husband only want sex once a month sometimes he can go for 3 mnths without and he always say i pressurise him,i do everything in the house and still go to work ,i will prefer 5 times a week but unfortunately im not getting any i tried anything now i have given up on sex,im so sexually frustrated and feeling so unloved,he says he is nt a sex machine and he cant keep up with my sex drive

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