Posted by: Zola | 2008/07/17

Sex before marriage - not for CS

Can I just ask a religious question please you guys.

Many of us Christians have concluded that sex before marriage is a sin. I am not a bible fundi but I think the bible says it is sexual immorality that is wrong. I would imagine sexual immorality to be maybe sleeping around with different guys or sleeping with a married person. But what is wrong with sleeping with one person that you love and he loves you back. All the other sins, “ do not kill” , “ do not steal” , etc. involve hurting another human being, except sex before marriage, which I don’ t see hurting anyone.

My church’ s position is clear: no sex before marriage and no masturbation either. I was just wondering what other people think.

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Our expert says:
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I'm not aware of any major Church that specifically forbids private masturbation ; and, as masturbation is totally normal and healthy and almost entirely universal, forbidding it would be foolish

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Posted by: BMJ | 2008/07/18

Kendra, you make an excellent point - a deep, warm and satisfying sex life is built over time - not like in the movies on the first night.

My husband and I both became Christians in our twenties and both unfortunately had sexual partners before that - but not since. And yes, I know a few very handsome, sucsessful men in their twenties who remained virgins until they married. It is rare, but it is possible.

I dont expect many people to agree with God' s view on sex. You are right, times have changed - but God has not. And He did say that the gospel is foolshness to those who do not believe. Zola asked a question stating her personal view and asked for opinions based on her religion and I answered her according to the bible she believes in. Many people will have different views - I accept that.


Reply to BMJ
Posted by: Nia | 2008/07/18

As a Christian, I totally agree with BMJ. God says that sex makes 2 people become one, which means that He has created a spiritual bond between the two of you, which cannot be broken without severe emotional distress and feelings of guilt. That is why it was so easy to break up with platonic high school boyfriends, who you never had sex with, but it becomes so hard when you are breaking up with someone with whom you had sex. As a Christian, we are not supposed to have sex outside of marriage. And yes - in the Bible Paulus say that you should abstain from sex if you are not married (even if it is your whole life) and devote yourself to God. Then he says that if it becomes too hard too control your sexual desires, you should get married. God wants babies to grow up in a happy stable home with both parents. God also do not want his people to be ill from any diseases - let alone contagious sexual diseases - so even in terms of " social norms and health"  it makes sense not to have sex outside of marriage and there is a logical reason for God to want us to abstain until marriage.

Do not worry about what non-Christians say - as they have other values, beliefs and principles that we do. Muslims are allowed to have 4 wifes and ladies are expected to cover up at all times. To us as Chrstians that is unacceptable, but to them it makes perfect sense. Decide what you believe, what your religion is and then stick to the rules and guidance of that God. It is not for us to judge.

Reply to Nia
Posted by: Kendra | 2008/07/18

Just for interest sake. Did your current husband safe himself for you??? I hightly doubt that.

What planet do you people live on?

Reply to Kendra
Posted by: Kendra | 2008/07/18

My opinion is that to have a wonderful, fulfulling, sexlife with your partner can take years. It is something that you build up over a long period.

Therefore, if you are in a secure, loving relationship and you know the guy is not just out to get down and dirty, then go for it.

Take your relationship to the next level. It will be a brand new experience that will grow you two even closer.

Times have changed!!!

Reply to Kendra
Posted by: BMJ | 2008/07/18

Hi ,

I am sorry to hear, you are right that it is much harder to abstain once you have had sex than before you knew what you were missing. If a guy wants to test drive, tell him you are not a car to be used and then discarded. Dont think that because you have had sex<  there is now no point in stopping. God does not despise a contrite heart. Read Psalm fifty one. Sex is good and pleasureable but not the be all and end all and it is very possible to not have sex _ even if it is difficult. You must honour God and trust that if he does not send a husband over your path<  it does not mean he is giving you second best.

I pray that God will help you as you obey him.

Reply to BMJ
Posted by: Yola | 2008/07/18

Thanks BMJ for what you said, as much as we would love to hate it but it' s true, sex before marrieage is a sin whether you love or are committed to the other person because God said so. unfortunately most of us have bought into satan' s lie that he didn' t really say so. My own sex life isn' t so great anymore because I now know the truth and it' s really hard to ignore that what i' m doing is wrong i feel guilty for even sexual thoughts, I have been in a " commited relationship"  with my bf for almost 2 years now and I don' t think he ever wants to get married, that means I will eventually have to find someone who would want to commit fully, they would probably want to test drive so in a religious perspective it' s a cycle of sexual immorality. another thing is that not all of us will get married even if we want to, where does that leave us? does it mean you have to remain a virgin for the rest of your life? It' s even worse when you' ve done it before because it' s not easy to stop having sex

Reply to Yola
Posted by: BMJ | 2008/07/17

Dear Zola

You asked a religious question, here is a religious answer - I am sure many will hate.

You are in a church and for the sake of argument, I will assume you do believe in God and that he created you, right?
God has set certain boundries and He has said that we should avoid sexual immorality. The word for sexual immorality means both fornication (sex before marriage) and adultry (married people having sex outside of marriage). He gave us these boundries for our own protection. God wants people who are married to have sex with their marriage partners only. But we dont believe what God says and we move the boundry to mean ' I must not have sex with someone that I dont really love and am commited to'  and we break those boundries and we are all paying a terrible price for it both physically and relationally.

Zola, the reason God gave for keeping sex for the person you marry only, is that in God' s eyes, when two people marry they become one - two halves and that sex between a husband and wife is consecrated and pleasing to God. God gave us those boundries for our own protection - both physical in terms of disease and emotional. When we have a relationship with someone and then sex and the relationship fails, our hurt takes on a much deeper quality.

I had sex with my boyfriend before marriage. I loved this guy so much and believed we would marry. We did not. Later I met my current husband and until today, I wish with all my heart that I could have given myself to my husband only.

Yes, some people may take time to learn each others likes and dislikes in bed once they are married. Having a great, fulfilling exciting sex life is exactly what God wants you to have. AFTER you are married. Please dont believe Satan' s lie - the same one he gave Eve in the garden of Eden...Did God really say that?...Yes he did. It was not Christians who concluded that we should not have sex before marriage. But God. Believe him.

Warm wishes

Reply to BMJ
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/07/17

I cant really say...theres the positive and the negative. The negative is that i had sex before marriage because i thought i was going to spend my life with that man. Then we broke up and i felt that not decent man would ever want me. The positive is that it makes you less likely to cheat when you get married. But i think everyone is different and you know the type of person you are and only you can say whats the best choice. Abstaining is good. But if you dont, then please use protection.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: Mr Passion | 2008/07/17

I' d have to agree with Rosey.

And you do take a car for a test drive before you buy it so that you can make sure it fits you? Not meaning it to be degrading, but you have to see if you' re compatible on that level before making the big move to marrage.

I don' t want to go into the religion debate, but we " have been built to be sexual creatures" . The human race would not have survived it wasn' t for that. And you wouldn' t be here if your mother and grandmother didn' t also do it...? And it (sex and masturbation) is very enjoyable for a reason... To enjoy it!!!

Reply to Mr Passion
Posted by: Rosey | 2008/07/17

I think u don' t want to discover he just can' t get it up on the honeymoon night. Or that he ejaculates prematurely. Who wants to marry a bad lover and spend thousands on sex therapy?

Reply to Rosey

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