Posted by: lowrider | 2009/05/18

SERIOUS PROBLEM - motivation

I cannot seem to get myself to work. I have to force myself everyday recently. I take caffeine pills to give me energy (motivation) to get up, get dressed and show up.
I am feeling extremely aggressive.
This NON-motivation is driving me crazy. I earn a good salary, I get along with my boss and my colleagues. There is nothing wrong with my job other than it bores me to death. This is the second job I' ve found that bores the nonsence out of me.
Further to that my boyfriend left me. And I feel so hurt inside, so badly badly hurt. It' s overwhelming!!! Consuming me, my thoughts, my heart, my self-esteem.

And on 21 May would' ve been my 11th year anniversary. I got divorced last year. I attempted suicide as my husband was extremely cruel to me. I was in hospital and when I wanted to come home he had already moved his girlfriend into my house, my bed, my space. a 10-year marriage, my pain meant nothing to him. Like me, I meant nothing to him at all.

Now my idiot boyfriend has left as well.
I feel really down, then angry beyond compare and I' m hurting so badly. I' m so hurt.
And I cry. A lot. Trying to hold down my job, without the tears. But they' ve lost respect for me because when I do get to work it' s late (like 09:00 and I' m supposed to start at 8:00am).
I' ve been at the job for only 3 months and I' ve already taken 3 days sick leave and 1 day normal leave ' cos I just couldn' t get the motivation to go to work.

Oh, I' m bipolar as well. I need immediate help and I made an appointment with a psychiatrist but can only see me on 22 June.
I don' t want to give up. i want to fight.
I need help. Now.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Caffeine may give you some wakefulness and energy, but that's not the same thing as motivation. And they may ad to the aggression, irritability, jumpiness, sleep difficulties, shakiness, and so on.
It'd be a good idea to see a counsellor, to explore what motivates you and what doesn't. Maybe some testing by a vocational psychologist can match your interests with your abilities, and help you clarify what you'd be happy doing, too. And the problems in your emotional life contribute to this, and could push you into a depression --- and it sounds like you may well be depressed ( and that further damages our motivation ) I sounds like you're far from over the divorce, and you should probably be seeing a shrink for a full assesment and treatment advice, and treatment should probably include CBT ( COgnitive-Behaviour Therapy ) as well as possible medication.
I applaud your determination not to give up --- you can get on top of all this, and find a happy and productive way of life.
And then, at the end you tell me you have Bipolar Disorder ? If you are not taking appropiate medication, including a mood stabilizer, it would not be surprising hat you have become depressed.
Lifeline can also be helpful when you feel you really need to talk with someone.

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