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Question
Posted by: JOLA | 2004/11/18

Separation anxiety

I have a daughter, she's 3. I went back to work when she was 3 months old, and my mom looked after her. She started talking by the time she turned 1, she is a very bright little girl and has a mind of her own.

I was thinking of putting her into a pre primary school next year as she has just had one on one attention, and i feel she needs to socialise with children of her own age. She does not seem to have a problem with this, as long as some one she knows is with her. She has told me that she will only go to creche if me or my mother teach there. I am a bit sceptical about her going of to crech, but i know it is for her own good. There are so many things that are bothring me about this issue: I am worried that her character gets broken down, sicknesses ect.

I have tried to bring her up to be an individual, and i feel that when your child goes off to school, the teachers and other children tend to break your child. I am trying to weigh out the pro's and con's and i just cannot come to any conclusion.

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Our expert says:
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At 3 she sounds rather too young to be dictating the terms of her creche-going, and insisting on deciding the career of you or your mom. She's supposed to be the child. Kids don't get broken down by good teachers and other children, but they can become seriously spoiled by over-indulgent parents. I don't see the pro's to allowing her dictatorship rights, and I don't see the cons to her being treated simply like other children. She's learning wildly unrealistic expectations from life, that if you allow these to grow and develop, will lead her into appalling disappointments when she runs into the realities of life. Excellent responses from kay and Mona

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/18

I reckon after one day at creche, new toys, new friends, she will beg you to drop her there again. Take her for one or 2 hours on the first day, stay with her, then the next day leave her by herself for 2 to 3 hours, then the next day the whole day... let her get use to it, but you have to let go of her.

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Kay | 2004/11/18

And in another 3 years are you going to try and homeschool ypour child so that she doesnt have to be "broken down" by her classmates and teachers?

What you have created is a child who wants somebody with her all the time (she wants your mother or you to teach at the creche????) Its unrealistic - and in my mind unhealthy. How are you going to explain to her one day that sheneeds to go to school and no - you cant go and sit in the class with her?

Character cannot be broken down - as you fear - it is built through social interaction - something you seem to want to keep her from. Why are you not happy with her going to creche? - besides her wanting you to be with her (which is normal in any child - but they do learn to adapt).

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