Posted by: in limbo | 2003/03/02


my husband and I have been seperated for the past 6 months. recently we had discussions regarding reconciling. However, he has indicated that he does not want to move back home for at least another 5-6 months, has told me that I can't expect him to visit me on a to regular basis as he has other commitments (he's living with his ex-mother in law from his 1st marriage) and when my car broke down,and I couldn't get to work, told me that it's not his problem as he has his own life at the moment, and I must sort out my own problems. He does not want any of his family or his children to know that we have been trying to work things out, and I'm not allowed to phone him at home. Whilst we were both to blame for the collapse of our marriage, he say's he won't consider coming back until I show total remorse for everything that I did wrong. He also walked out leaving me to pay all our outstanding accounts. According to him I threw him out, so that's my punishment.
I did ask him to leave initially as he was abusive & physically violent towards me at times. I've suggested counselling but he won't commit to going, stating he doesn't need to, but I should go alone. I don't know whether I should give him more time or proceed with the divorce?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Give him more time FOR WHAT ? He is abusive emotionally and physically ( and financially ) , and is now being judgemental and over-controlling even during atempts at reconciliation. Wat on earth would be the advantag to getting back together with him ? He is the one who has ben abusive, yet he sees nothing to apologise for, and no need for therapy ? Dump the bum, and take your time about finding a real man who can treat other human eings with respect.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Zeena | 2003/03/03

As the Shrink and Jenny said: go ahead with the divorce. What you say in your post only strengthens the feeling that he has NO plans to make this marriage work again. Save yourself more heartache, and get rid of this abusive bastard.

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Posted by: Jenny | 2003/03/03

Proceed with the divorce. He is playing on your emotions. If he really still loved you, he would have forgiven you unconditionally and tried to fix things from his side, besides it was through his own actions that he got thrown out! He is definitely not making a team effort to mend your marriage. If he does not go for counselling, he will revert to his old ways. You have no guarantee that he will come back ever. You are waisting your life on someone that does not really care for you. He has visiting rights to your children, but you deserve a better life.

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