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Question
Posted by: lonly! | 2004/10/11

Self Mutilation????

Hey Cybershrink and everyone else who cares! I have always used the nick LONLY on this forum, but just to let everyone know, i am NOT so LONLY anymore....i got a GIRLFRIEND!

i don't know if you remember but i said i was going on a date with a girl with Bi Polar dissorder, and the date went well, and here we are a month later MADLY in LOVE with eachother! Its goign very well and yes she has MANY MANY issues, but i am fine with them and by me giving her all the love i can, she is such a BRILLIANT person.... :-)

One MAJOR problem though, i can't seem to deal with and i don't know how to! When she is alone and depressed, she cuts helself...BADLY, she says that the pain and blood helps her to overcome the depression and pain she feels.... I HATE THIS, I AM A PHONE CALL AWAY, she dosn't need to cut herself, I AM THERE FOR HER....well she tried to cut herself recntly and i got VERY ANGRY, i just kept quiet and said nothing, i didn't voice my anger! WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO HANDEL THIS DOC? should i be angry? should i just ignore it or should i just love her even more....i also don't need this SHIT and WORRIES in my life....??

ANY ADVICE?

MUCH appreciated....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hey, Not-So-Lonely !
Delighted to hear that you have found a good friend, and we hope this relationship will be good and sustaining for both of you. Check out the Archives of this forum ( search for Self-mutilation, and cutting, mainly ) as we have discussed this particular problem behaviour quite often, and indeed a number of our regulars have managed marvellously to stop cutting themselves.
They tend to cut when they feel miserable, panicky, and especially when they feel abandoned or at risk of losing someone they care about, so be cautious about how you express anger. Maybe it's better to express it as disappointment. Self-cutting isn't a reason to love someone more, or to abandon them in fury. Generally, they don't realize how disturbing this is to other people, especially to anyone who actually does care about them.
Excellent responses from Mindful and SP !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: lonly | 2004/10/11

WOW....that is such a BRILLAINT responce....THANK YOU....and yes i said i don't need this shit in my life.... i meant, i can deal with all her other issues no problem, but when it comes to cutting oneself, that is a bit much for me...i have had VERY hard life with a rough childhood, and right now i want stability in my young adulthood....but it is clearer to me now, i will love and support her, and i will get her to stop, i know she can do it, and i know both of you can also do it.... EVERYONE can, because there are people who love and care for you out there, she has found me now, and i will do just that!

Reply to lonly
Posted by: SP | 2004/10/11

Hi Lonly,

I some advice for you, being a cutter myself. It is true that cutting/mutilation brings relief. Sometimes there is never a more effective way to express and relieve the pain that is inside. I have managed to stop cutting for about 2 weeks now and that is only because I got the encouragement from my boyfriend to do so. He was supportive and although he was angry at first, he showed compassion and understood that he had contributed to my pain and showed remorse. Seeing the hurt in his eyes and face when he saw what I had done to myself, showed me that he did care and cared enough to take responsibility for his actions. You see, we have a long distance relationship which is proving to be more of a challenge then I had initailly anticipated. I love him but I'm not sure if staying with him is going to help me in the end.

So tell your girlfriend how her cutting herself effects you, show concern and understanfing to her pain. Be supportive and positive don't make empty promises. Love her, truly love her and if you do like you say you do, you'll be there for her through this difficult time in her life.

Reply to SP
Posted by: Mindful | 2004/10/11

Hi Lonly,

How nice that you have found someone! I'm just a little confused: you say you love her madly, and you're ok with her issues, but then later you say you don't need this kind of sh!t in your life???
In the last 2 months or so, I started cutting myself (but I'm trying not to do it). While I know it's wrong, it's as though I feel this incredible relief after I've done it. Lately, I seem to be getting panic attacks more often, and when it happens, I want immediate relief. And while I know I have people a phonecall away, I haven't felt the same "calming" feeling I get when I cut myself, than when I phone them. I've promised my friends that I would try to stop, and at the moment that's the best I can do. Thursday was the last time, and I overcame an incredible urge yesterday morning.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is don't get angry at her. That will make her feel even worse. Express your concern, and ask her to try to stop (don't push). It isn't easy for her to change something that obviously gives her relief. Ask her if you can help her find something to give the same feeling that isn't so destructive.

Reply to Mindful

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