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Question
Posted by: Claire | 2007/12/01

Self love

Hi doc.
I should have been clearer, there probably isn't a term like inner hunger, it's just what I call it. What I mean with it is, I am unhappy with myself and do not accept myself as I am, so I eat because I feel I need something more, and I can't find that fulfilment in myself through acceptance, so I try to get it from food. This is what I think my problem is. So what I would like to know, is how do you get to point where you don't need anything(like food) to fulfill you, because you are fulfilled and at peace with yourself? How do I love and accept myself unconditionally?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

That's more or less what I thought you might mean --- you can use any term you like, but of course when it has a significant personal meaning, you need to explain it. CBT counselling still strikes me as the best way to understand that sense of being unfulfilled, and of finding ways of being fulfilled rather than merely full and filled.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Britty | 2007/12/02

You sound just like a friend of mine who had tried everything to cure her inner hunger. She has found a web site called Three Fat Chicks on which she has been blogging for quite a while. She said that wriiting down her feelings and reading other blogs on the same site has helped her to love her self more and she has lost weight without even really trying. Maybe just getting your feelings out in black and white could help you or reading someone else's might do the trick. One positive thing about your post is that you are trying to find a way to love yourself and fulfil that inner hunger - I hope you find it. Take Care.

Reply to Britty
Posted by: anon | 2007/12/01

Wanted to add, try some positive affirmations that you can repeat to yourself each and every day. For instance :-

I truly love and accept myself exactly as I am. I am a caring loving woman. Look yourself in the mirror and say positive affirmations.

Treat yourself like you would your very best friend. Find ways to nurture yourself.

Reply to anon
Posted by: anon | 2007/12/01

Claire can you identify areas of your life or personality traits, or whatever it is that you are unhappy with, besides your weight gain? Have you tried journalling, writing about your feelings, especially when you feel you are not hungry and overeat to fill an emptyness you might feel. Perhaps by replacing the eating to fill the emptyness you feel, you can replace it with something else, once you know exactly what your triggers are, for instance, boredom, tiredness, stress, anxiety, if you eat through all these emotions, instead of acknowledging them and if you are bored, finding ways to stimulate/motivate instead of eating.

Writing is a good tool to use, therapeutic as well. You can also write about what you are grateful for in your life. You will find so many things, but choose 5 each day. Your focus will eventually shift from what/why you can't accept yourself for what/who you are to, all the positives in your life. You must have enormous strengths and wonderful attributes, so for instance, the weight issue, is a minor one. If the weight issue is major in your life, then find ways to get healthy, focus on enjoyment, fun, health, exercise and fitness. Not just dieting!!! Looking at what you can change in your life you are unhappy with, and working towards changing them. Then also being able to recognise what you can't change, and accepting them.

Another area of writing/journalling could focus on short term, medium term and long term goals. Also things you always wanted to do, try, hobbies, etc. Your goals need not be set in stone, but can can from time to time. You may perhaps, for instance include something from that list to try...when you feel like eating for any other reason than when you are hungry (mealtimes). Writing/journalling is an excellent way to get to your yourself, to vent etc.

You are young and perhaps at 19 you have your whole life ahead of you. Sounds like you are very self aware and don't want to waste your life obsessing about yourself and not being happy and accepting of yourself.

It can take time, but it can be a "lightbulb" moment that it all just fits into place, if you know what I mean.

CS recommended CBT, which will help you.

Reply to anon

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