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Question
Posted by: Pixi | 2008/06/09

Self absorbed husband

He always was an outgoing talkative person, and thats why i fell in love with him. He was confident and sociable and always had a good time.
Now that should be great qualities to have, but I'm finding it so draining, I dont have the energy to 'socialise' with him :(

He has joined a sports club which is supposed to be a family club but they spend more time drinking at the bar and socialising than actually doing the sport part...

Everytime I go there, I've got people telling me - You are so lucky to have him as your husband. He's such a great guy. I would die for him one guy even said!
All this attention is going to his head and every sentence that comes out his mouth is about him.
He talks about other peoples short comings all the time.
Even mine (mostly that I am too quiet and am not good at 'socialising')
But he cannot see any faults of his own.

I should be happy for him that he is doing well and enjoying his 'club' but at home he doesn't put in the effort.
If I say something to him about it - then I'm not supporting him and he will lean more to his fan club he has going.

I am starting to resent him and his self absorbed attitude. It is crushing my spirit. And I know I should just support him and be happy for him - but I just feel like he doesn't care about me and our home.

I don't think I can survive a marriage having such a domineering vain husband.
I am more happy to be on my own than be at that club or even with him!

My main concern is not that he has a club. But that it is fueling his self obsession and he doesn't listen or put an effort in if its not about him.

I don't know what to do!!!

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Our expert says:
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MArriage counselling, Gently insist on it. He is surely getting big-headed and addicted to his adoring audience. ANd too much drinking/ Lin is right spot on.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: kb | 2008/06/09

Pixie im in the same boat as you. My bf of 2 years has just started to do really well in his business, and has been socializing with very high profile people in our town, and getting their business, and it has gone staright to his head, and he has sort of forgotten about "little me", the person who was there for him from the beginning.

We dont live togehter, but decided we were going to build a house together, and now he told me that with the pressure of the business he does not want to build now and have that pressure too, so i have decided to buy a townhouse for myself and my daughter, and we are getting on with our lives whether he wants us around or not.
Goodluck to you, its really sad.

Reply to kb
Posted by: Pixi | 2008/06/09

Thanks for the replies :0)

Yeah, I should do my own thing... you're right.
Will give me confidence to face the 'fan club' and a break from the obsessed natter!

Reply to Pixi
Posted by: Lolo | 2008/06/09

hi

evryone need social life even you my sister, i think it will be good if you start your own social club with few ladies at your status and probably meet once a mothe or week, just to add something to your social life.

marriage doesn't mean you must forget your family and friends and focus on your children and partner.

Reply to Lolo
Posted by: Lin | 2008/06/09

The funny thing with marriage is that we look (mostly) for a partner that has the qualities that we dont have. In your instance it's the "good sociolising" that you would like to be able to do.

Why not ask your hubby to join you for couples counselling? You'd be able to talk this through, as well as other things bothering you both, with a "referee" in between to keep things from getting ugly. You'd then be able to find a realistic middle ground.

Reply to Lin

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