Posted by: hubbie | 2004/10/30

screwed and way out

I have posted before. I am my problem. I work 16hrs daily at 140% productivity. No time for myself, my wife or child. Everyone else always seem to be better than me. Have built up an empire 7 figure strong. I cannot get on with my wife. She has a storng personality and somehow tends to be in the limelight at school functions. I am tired of hearing my surname over the intercom at thanksgivings. Last night I went with to my childs yearly concert. My face is acne scarred on the right hand side. We ended up as VIPS sitting in the front row on the left(my wife organised it) I cracked(low self esteem) and said I was off to the loo and left. She is very involved with the school and I felt I was in enemy territory as everyone was ignoring me and treating me like vermin.
I have a bond with my son second to none. Despite being cripple in grade 0 he still is one of the better cricket players. I try and spend a lot of time with him but despite drinking tonics I am exhausted at night. On Sundays my wife ends up sleeping(to avoid me) and I spend the day with my child playing cricket etc etc. In therapy she said I am a bad dad. At this stage I am stressed and feel tired but guilt nails me. My low self esteem does not contribute either. People treat me like an idiot. I am going for hair implants for my thinning hair next week but feel guilty as I am taking off work and "men dont do this"
It is a major struggle for me to liase with people lately. My secretary is flirting with me and basically pulling out all the stops(she is probably just after money). Her marriage is in disarray and we have unfortunately evolved into a level of close friends. This in itself causes major anxiety as I know she has expectations.
I am gatvol. I have seen a therapist but this does not help much.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear hubbie,
I sympathize, and I'm sorry to hear that your first experience with a therapist has been unhelpful so far --- be more demanding or get a different therapist, as your problems ought not to be difficult to deal with. Consider marriage counselling if your wife might be persuaded to join you there. Rapidly make it entirely and unambiguously clear to your secretary that you're sorry she may be having marriage problems, but that you will never allow anything romantic or unprofessional to happen between you.
And as DBB wisely says, spend some of those 7 figures to hire a few more able people to deputize for you, reduce the pressures on you, and enable you to have more time for yourself and your family. It's not worth any amount of money to sacrifice too much for a business and not have the time to gain personal contentment. You're already doing an excellent job with your son as a really good father, and can build on that.
air transplants ? If the effects would please you, go for it ! You NEED more time off work, and men definitely DO do hair transplants, even cosmetics and cosmetic surgery. Times have changed and very many men are comfortable doing anything that improves their appearance, if they feel like it. But finding a more active and effective psychotherapist, so you can eliminate those low self-esteem, problems, could be even more effective. You deserve the therapy, the time off, and the self-care and self-nurturing. Think about some time at a spa, or some other such retreat, even for a long weekend, so you can relax, pamper yourself, and feel better about yourself, as you start to recognize and value your own excellence.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: TW | 2004/11/01

Always look on the bright side of life...
Its awesome that you are realising that you have a problem, now you just need to fix it. I think your wife is the way she is partly due to you working so hard and not having so much time for you family and she has now made up ways to help her life cope ect...

I think you need to sit your family down and let them know how much they mean to you and that you want to start making family times with them bec you know you havent put them first before your work in the past (it will most likely be difficult but its up to you really to save and grow your family as you are the head of the fam and its up to you now)

Why not try go for family walks after work some days when all of you can make it, that way you get some exersize (help the stress) and can chat about life and send some quality time togehter ect...

If you love you wife she will do anything for you, a woman needs to feel loved,cherished and to feel special and all those hard walls she has built up will start to come down!!!!

All the best and start today , you CAN make that difference, just be patient and see what happens.
God bless :)

Reply to TW
Posted by: DBB | 2004/10/30

If you have built up an empire 7 figure strong i am sure you can find some to assist you ,we will all need time out from time to time. I was also working longs hours and regreat it today as i never really seen must of my child growing up .These days when i have her for the weekend its our time the cell is off i don't think of work ,Make time for the child and your wife. If the two of you are not getting along together go your own ways but please make time for your child. I never seen much of my Dad he was always at the betting office or the club.When he past away i promised myself i would not cry or breakdown as i can feel that there is something missing(closure)

I am not sure if this helps but i wish you luck

Reply to DBB

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