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Question
Posted by: Worried | 2004/01/09

Screening Porn and Lost all Interest in Sex

We've been together for 1yr 6 mtns and been living together for 8 mtns, 5 months ago I found out that his been searching porno sites on the internet and then realised that's why our sex live is not going anymore, mabe once a week if I'm lucky and then I must start something from my side..... I've printed copies of sites visited and time up to half an hour per session. I have not confronted him as I don't like to fight and create a vibe.....How do I handle this and is it normal for a 32 year old man to only have sex once a week if I start it and or could there be more to this. Our sex live in the beginning were every second night and then all of a sudden to almost nothing????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Worried,
Check out the Archives of this Forum for the many previous occasions when we have discussed the porn issue.
It's actually unlikely that your sex life is declining Because he is watching some porno --- more likely the other way round. For some folks porn is an aperatif, for some it's a supplement to their usual sex life. For men it seems usually to have a very different meaning than it seems to women, as for them it has nothing to do with love and affection. There are also numerous reasons why a guy may lose interest in actually having sex with their partner, including medical and physical problems, drinking and drug-related problems, having an afair on the side, or other psychological conflicts. Really the only effective way to deal with any relationship problem, including sexual issues like these, is by discussion ; first, tactfully, between you two, and then perhaps with the aid of a marriage counsellor / relationship counsellor, to help you both to figure things out better and more effectively.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: erika | 2004/01/14

I have been married for 7 years and my husband came out of the closet just last week. He's been downloading porn for years behind my back (I knew all along as I came across the stuff on numerous occasions) He made an appointment with a Christian counsellor but I can honestly say that I can never ever trust him again. This is just so wrong as women see it as "cheating". I have realised that our sexual relationship has gone for a ball, and we have been sleeping in seperate beds for the past 2-3 years. He'd much rather sit in front of the pc until 3am.

Reply to erika
Posted by: k00s | 2004/01/09

u might hav a point ther charlene,,,,which isnt a very nice thought,,,,but then,,,it might just b a helpin hand too

ask the bugger to watch with him,,,,it might do sumtin 4 the relationship,,,,,if u can face it?

also try talkin bout sex in general,,,ask him what he likes & so on,,,u sound a bit uhmmm,,,as if u guys mebbe dont really talk a lot bout these things,,,& that will never get u tooo far,

also try not to get tooo upset with the fact that hes watchin,,,it doesnt mean he doesnt like u,,,men r pigs when it comes to porn mostly,,,,

if u dont want to confront him on the porn thing.........at least talk to him bout hte fact that u want mor sex & how r u guys goin to go about that,,,,,,,,,it might even help if u tell him u find him very sexy & all that,,,hehe

best wishes,,,

Reply to k00s
Posted by: Charlene | 2004/01/09

You would think that if he is surfing porn he would come home all worked up and would want it from you. If he is not getting it from you then he must have a "friend" somewhere. In that case the porn is the least of your worries.

Reply to Charlene

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