Our expert says:
Sad to hear this, SM, and it sounds as though various factors are at work here --- these children probably never, either within the marriage or since the divorce, saw the sort of basic consideration for others which your children did, so the very idea and manner of doing so may seem rather foreign to them. The teenage daughter should be gently made aware that she is doign nobody a favour by living with you, and needs to become more considerate of others --- and continue to show her, by example, how normal people manage to do so.
As Ness wisely points out, family counselling, eg through FAMSA, could be really useful for you all.
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